1.6.2022 Who Is Human?

Who will remain?

When I was 7 years old my handler took me to Asia for training. By that time the classified program that I grew up in was so methodical that I could be sent away for weeks at a time, sometimes even months and no one batted an eyelash. No one missed me at at home, school, or elsewhere. Taking trips was very much a normal part of our education. Extended trips were privileges that had to be earned, competed for, you most certainly had to be the best of the best to gain your spot. But no one questioned why you were sent away for extended periods, and it happened regularly. I’ve been all over the world, on every continent. I’ve forgotten more things than I could EVER possibly remember. What sticks with me are the most important lessons that I needed for survival. My handlers called that “training”.

My primary handler was not the most powerful person in my chain of command, obviously. However, he was EXTREMELY powerful, calculating, and obsessed with maintaining possession of me. ANYTHING that interfered with his ability to control me was eradicated with extreme measures, without prejudice. It’s different than it sounds. He used any means necessary to accomplish his goal, he was authorized to stop at nothing and use whatever amount of force he deemed necessary regardless of how extreme. He was fully empowered to do any and everything, that was how I grew up, watching him rearrange the world this way.

Northern Virginia in the 1980s was an extremely toxic and bigoted place to live for a little Black girl. Not much has changed except technology. When you add more marginalization and barriers into the mix it became endlessly dangerous at the absolute highest threat levels. My handlers knew that simply having Black skin would put my life in danger forever. Being a girl, from a poor family, neuro-divergent, a father in spec ops, and from a non-mainstream Christian sect I was ALWAYS going to be considered a “threat”. Once I was given a clearance, I became an extreme threat. With each level of training I passed I became “public enemy number one”. With every roll of the eye, attempt on my life, threats against my family, and attacks on not only my own but every ethnic community I learned to stand. You aren’t born with true courage, you acquire it. Once you do, it emanates. This is one form of true power, and people who seek it can smell it a million miles away.

When my handler took me to a remote martial arts training school, I knew I would NEVER be the same again. I had been to many, all over the world. This one was different, they trained people who move in the shadows. No one EVER knows their names, their dates of birth, most of the time their gender, any aspect of their identity, or what they do from day to day. They simply vanish. These are the people who do the “impossible” every day. I’m not the first person to speak of such things, I’m simply the first Black girl to be accepted at that particular school, to earn the respect of my teachers, to graduate, and return to my family as though nothing ever happened. I watched adults die because they couldn’t take it. I watched teachers die because they couldn’t take it. I watched cohorts break bones, people lose eyes, and take hits so hard that blood burst from their mouth and organs failed. I watched people heal, die, fall into comas, become paralyzed, lose limbs, and worst of all lose their ability to fight. I watched people get broken down, daily, to be built back up into something else. I watched bones snap and heal within days. The healing techniques there were extraordinary! At the time, this was the TOP school in the world. NO ONE knew of it’s existence outside of certain circles. They did not accept outsiders. I was the ONLY one there. If an outsider ever made it in (none of my handlers did) it was for reasons that no one knew.

When I entered my training program “officially” at the age of 5 years old, I took an oath. Under my oath, we were unable to take any other pledge or oath that would counter that oath. If GOD himself told you to do something out of alignment with your oath, you would have to question if that was truly a message from GOD and if GOD was truly GOD. There was no question as to who and what you were to be, forever. If your oath, order, assignment, or thinking did not align with your original oath then you were out of pocket, period.

The oath that I had to take at the marital arts school put me at odds with my original oath. The reason I was accepted into the school was because 1) I had the skills. 2) I had a very powerful chi. 3) I had the kind of determination that could see me through to the end. 4) I had ethics. 5) I had loyalty. 6) I had the kind of potential that the council of elders at the school was looking for. 7) I was the first from my nation to figure out how to merge the two oaths without violating either. There had been one graduate of the school before me, they took the oath as their primary and their original oath as their secondary. I did not have that option. Because of my predicament, the fact that I was an outsider, and the potential future ramifications of what I could become I was assigned to the most advanced master teacher. He was also the cruelest.

They broke children down daily, that was normal. The younger you were when you were accepted, the more skilled you became. I saw people who had been raised there, they were phenomenal. I watched them grow into the kind of fighters that America makes movies about. Their legacies are global, eternal. These are INCREDIBLE humans.

If people were to ever actually get a glimpse at their TRUE skill, they wouldn’t believe their eyes. It’s in their DNA, they have practiced these arts for longer than ANYONE truly is aware. It’s not just a physical activity, it is a form of Interoception that allows you to tap so deeply into your own human body, merge with the energy that surrounds us all, and channel it to accomplish a very specific goal. These people exist all over the globe, martial arts are not unique to Asia. However, at the time, the forms of martial arts taught in Asia were some of the oldest and purest forms having been unchanged for so many millennia. Africa and South America also have teachings that are just as powerful, old and impactful. When I trained with them, it was usually with one person in seclusion. What made Asian schools different was that they taught many students, ongoing, without let up. Some of these schools had never been empty, they taught students for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. As an outsider, you can’t fathom the energy. It’s something you have to learn to align with and adapt to.

Being broken down during the selection process was brutal. Similar to Strike Force boot camp, but much worst! During your first phases of training, you weren’t yet a student you were just a prospect. Those who survived selection became a student. During that process, there is no separation for any reason. There is no such thing as rank, gender, race, or inequality. We are all simply prospects. Back in the day, in the Marines, you were all just “maggots”. It’s pretty much like that, but worst. There, you had to fight for survival every day. If by the end of the day you were still alive, and kicking, you may make it to the see the end of the next day.

Your skill is what speaks for you and nothing else. The only time I was allowed to speak was in the evening, during my only meal, when I sat with my teacher and he taught me life lessons. Few words were EVER spoken by me, generally it was to say yes or no or ask a question if permitted. The master teacher was so old that his age was classified, not only by my own government but by him. I watched him do things that 99% of the world would consider impossible, yet for him it was a matter life. He was one of the most incredible humans I have EVER encountered in life. I didn’t realize how emotional I would get thinking about him. However, I promised I would honor him when the time came. I feel his presence even now. He loathed EVERYONE. He was tired, angry with how devolved humanity had become and he was searching for something he felt he was running out of time in finding. By the time I left the school I was his “beloved daughter and treasured student”. I promised him I wouldn’t forget his lessons, and I haven’t. His teachings helped make me who I am today. My father said the same thing.

He was a tiny man, at the age of 7 years old he was only a couple of inches taller than myself. He had a very long white beard and a lot of long white hair. I used to find myself staring at his skin which was visibly aged more so than any other human I had ever encountered but not nearly enough to be the age that he was. The very high elevation in that location helped to increase lung capacity and slow aging. The extensive meditation helped to restore and regenerate the body and cells. Their diet consisted of nutrition, and that’s it. Nothing unnatural, nothing overdone, nothing toxic. Organic, simple, nourishing, and plant based. They RARELY interacted with the outside world. Those people lived very long lives. They existed to protect knowledge. It was their sacred oath.

To know the age of the master teacher was a privilege that had to be earned and it was to remain a secret. My training with him was very similar to my training under my handler, but different in some ways. His vision of the world was much older, more complex and detailed in ways that most people will never be able to grasp. At the same time he had a very simple way of processing information and communicating it. He used as few words as possible to communicate, he taught mostly by doing. He was an incredible genius. He was able to take the most complex situation and reduce it to such simplicity that it took my breath away. I was a 7 year old little girl, dropped off at his doorstep. I knew I would be tortured, beaten, starved, and intentionally pushed to my breaking point. I should have been terrified, and I was. But my thirst for the knowledge that he held in his ancient bones overrode my fear. Here is where I truly understood courage. Even the memories of my first days there trigger aches in places I had forgotten had injuries.

I had to compete for my spot at the school. As an outsider I was at quite the disadvantage. In training at home my mentor called this “a handicap”, there it was life. “There is no such thing as handicap” my teacher told me. What he meant was, your body can compensate in another way, figure out how to do it. My handler told my teacher that I feared being treated differently because of my race, they both saw that as my greatest flaw. Weeks into my training, he learned a new lesson from me. THIS is what lead to him embracing me as a “daughter”.

The way that I stood up for myself, stoically as was required, unrelentingly, taught him a great deal about my character. Most people were turned away from the school because certain character flaws can create incredibly chaotic situations. There had been students who had graduated and gone off into the world and ended up doing unethical things that caused unimaginable ripple effects. They sought to avoid such happenings. When it did happen, they were charged with repairing the harm, regardless of how long it took or how hard it was to balance. Their dedication and loyalty to their way of life was a matter of survival for all of them. They weren’t just teachers of the martial arts, they were keepers of very ancient wisdom that helped keep balance in the world. They had students placed in strategic positions globally, watching, aiding, maintaining. When this balance was thrown off, there were always negative consequences that brought about great suffering and upheaval. If the balance was ever too great and unable to be harmonized again then the result was apocalyptic.

They observe time differently than the rest of the world, where we tend to see life day by day, they saw extensive arch's of time, all of which were irrevocably entangled with one another. They understand how time truly functions. They have ALWAYS been able to see time from it’s creation until it’s ending, metaphorically speaking. This is why they exist. They are actually historians who learn marital arts to protect truth. We used to call them ancient global librarians. They kept the knowledge and wisdom of all life, there are many such schools all over the globe. There always have been and there always will be. Even when evil seeks to erase the wisdom held in the schools, the truth never dies.

From the outside it would appear that the happenings in these places were “mystical” events. There have always been movies, songs, poems, stories, tv shows, and tales written about the happenings in such places. However, in truth, it’s not magical it’s simply misunderstood science. The war on science isn’t new, it’s simply being amped up anew.

It takes a certain rare combination of qualities that would create the kind of brain conducive to learning in such an environment. My father and I had it. My handler believed he could create such brains, after my graduation he realized that was impossible. Nature will always be superior to any kind of technological advancements that have now or will ever exist. Technology should never be used to usurp nature, but to exist in harmony with it. There is no greater intelligence than nature, humanity simply isn’t evolved enough yet at it’s current incarnation to grasp this reality. We are reaching a critical point right now where we have the opportunity to take a collective quantum leap into the future so that we can all advance together. There have always been those who sought to dominate and control this process, misunderstanding what power means they believe they can control nature. This is what ultimately brings about destruction, every time without fail. Schools such as these work to keep not only balance, truth, and nature in harmony but also the potential for future generations to do the same in their own time.

At this school, they embodied the reality of their precepts every moment of every day for their entire lives. They most certainly existed in a dimension outside of what many would call “normal reality”. Though getting into their dimension was brutal in the beginning, it was ultimately worth the battle. I learned quickly that the fight was required to strip down the outside world. It was only a barrier in those spaces. I saw in those moments how far removed most people are from the truth of what life actually is. Being so weighted down by exposure to dogma keeps humanity blind, stumbling in the dark. Now is the time where we have the opportunity to rise above it collectively. This is a rare opportunity that comes once every few thousand generations, yet here we are right now. It’s an interesting time to be alive.

Once the falsehoods about reality are stripped away, which happens during those milliseconds before a death blow is stricken, where the veil between life and death falls, you come to know self. You come to know all. You come to know life. In those moments you have a window into the truth of what actually emanates all around us daily but we miss it because we may have eyes but we cannot truly see. Humans are a race of living beings asleep at the wheel and we do not know it, hence the reason they were so strict with not allowing outsiders into the community. It tends to change things. If you can’t grasp the truth, you won’t survive. How you survive depends on you, what you become depends on all of the variables at play. Most survived, but many did not. I didn’t have a choice. Failure has NEVER been an option for me.

My entire life people have asked, wondered, pondered how I could survive the things that I have survived. It’s because I see life differently, interact with life differently, seek life differently. One of the first things my teacher did was put his hand on my shoulder and ask me if I was ready to become someone new. It reminded me of the rebirth imagery that is depicted in so many religious sects and philosophical schools of thought globally.

While I embraced wholeheartedly that this synchronicity was in no way coincidental, I was still terrified of what that would mean. It’s not so easy to let go of yourself and to trust another human to guide the process of you getting to the other side of your proverbial “death”. However, he told me “you will die many deaths in this life” and I have never, ever forgotten that message. It was one of the realest things I have ever known and still remains true to this moment. Most people have a primordial fear of death, I’ve been forced to face it more times than I will ever be able to remember. I knew precisely what he meant when he said it, and I am still experiencing it’s wisdom to this day. If you are lucky, you get to continue experiencing that power endlessly even learning to navigate it, obviously it’s not easy. Obviously it’s painful. But “pain is the doorway to another world” he used to say. I understood that too, I craved it. I wanted what I knew was just on the other side but couldn’t yet see. My handler called it “wander lust” and taught me to respect it’s powerful process. My teacher taught me how to navigate it and use it to achieve goals that have true value. Once my mind was open, it never shut again.

At the same time that I was experiencing the death of my old self and the rebirth of a new self by expanding my mind in ways that are wholly unfamiliar to western society, a war was waging. The “anti-consciousness” movement was alive and kicking in America. Wreaking havoc all over the place, spreading hate, slander, stigma, lies, and propaganda to deter people form having the opportunity to see any other perception other than the dogma that was keeping the whole of humanity trapped in stagnation and petrification. Back home, minds were decaying. At the school my body was being broken and my mind was expanding. I don’t condone abuse as a form of teaching, I did however embrace the opportunity to learn what was presented before me. How I dealt with the pain was my battle, and while in 1982 this may have been one of few avenues available to learn how to achieve certain ways of expanding the consciousness today we have access to many other options. The non-violent ones being readily available as much as any other including technological.

“Everyone here in the selection process has to compete for their space here, anything and everything will be used against you. During selection there are no rules. Until you are selected you will be just another enemy. Prepare. Protect yourself” he told me. These were his first words, spoken in a foreign language through a translator. His demeanor was gruff, irritable, angry, god like. He seemed like a man who had lived so long, seen so many things, that humans were beneath him and it irritated him because of that fact. I had met many monks like this during those years. They had a reason for feeling that way, it didn’t take long to figure out why.

I understood this was a test. Everything was a test. My handler raised me this way, my mother and father did as well. I wasn’t unfamiliar with this concept, it was simply a new environment with different actors and new levels to access. If I couldn’t survive the heat of his powerful energy seething at me, attempting to see how much I could withstand, then I wouldn’t make it on the battlefield. Plain and simple. His energy was clearer than my handlers, I could take that with all my limbs bound. He respected me for that.

It would be weeks before I found out that not only did he speak English, but that he was a genius in human analysis. He understood things about humans, life, and the universe that the experts in the field in western society had no clue about. I found the same to be true when I visited many native schools. Underestimating the value of diversity in culture is a grave mistake that humans continue to make. There were many around the globe who would literally KILL for the knowledge being taught in those schools, that’s why outsiders aren’t welcome. My ability to respect culture, the ancestors, and protocol kept me there. My ability to sense and appropriately respond to danger kept me alive.

These were the most skilled fighters in the world. The most skilled fighters in the world trained there. The most skilled fighters in the world would kill to train there. Yet that was the kind of power my handler had. He got me an interview, I had to win my way in, and I did. Being able to complete the program was something different altogether. I almost died from pain, actual physical pain. I never felt so alone. He was the only person who spoke English and refused to speak it. I was beaten to a pulp daily in training. We trained from dawn to dusk. At night we meditated, took classes, and meditated some more. The only free time was sleep time. My room was literally a hole cut into a mountain. It was stone, had a cot, a table, a folding chair, and a window. It was cold and I hate the cold! It was dank, damp, and had creepy crawly critters like spiders and snakes. All things I hate with a passion. Dangers were everywhere! “Everyone gets bitten by a snake and spider at least once” they always said. It was one of my worst nightmares.

During selection, we fought. All day, every day. We fought to compete for our spot. If we survived each day, then we were one step closer to gaining a position in the school. People were knocked out in their first fight. You had to be a top fighter to even learn of the school. Then you had to somehow get an invitation to apply and interview. If you passed the interview you had to fight your way through every day for weeks until you earned your spot as a student. While you were fighting, you were learning the basic tenets of their belief system. Failing to learn any of the precepts got you kicked out immediately. There were no second chances at anything, ever. As an outsider, I had to work harder than everyone else. I also had to earn the respect of everyone. All the teachers and the students. But I was used to fighting with “handicaps”, my mentor forced me to train that way. Hands tied, eyes blindfolded, leg bound, even as many as 3 and 4 handicaps at a time. “How is that even possible” I would ask. “Figure it how” he would say. “Let’s see how long you last”. Everyone always assumed that my gender, race, and ethnic identity had no baring on any events. Everyone always made that assumption incorrectly.

When you have to endure extremes, how you endure them matters. While people believe that privilege is what helps a person win, the true question always remains, what are you trying to win? If cheating, bullying, dominating, or taking power are your goal, then what are you winning exactly? Are you truly a winner if you have to eliminate a person's ability to fight? When you have won what you wanted, what then? Where does it all lead? Is eliminating competition more important than gaining a brother or sister? Is losing a brother or sister worth appearing powerful? Is losing true power worth the sacrifice of family and a way of life that harmonizes and unites? Is finding your true self worth losing, ever, for any reason? These are the questions we are taught to ponder. Each arrives at their own answers, none can move onto any level without appropriately traversing each. Spiritual growth is the most important aspect of life, learning to protect yourself is secondary. When people confuse the two then chaos grows.

If you don’t know what it’s like to get punched so much that your eyes swell up preventing you from seeing, sweat dripping down your forehead into the swollen slits of your eyes stinging like bees, hands so crippled with pain that you can’t even use them to push the sweat away. I had been in the position of fighting like that back home, my handler made sure of it. What was different here was the environment, the stakes much higher, my teacher being a different man looking for different qualities. Sometimes all that I had left was to hear my way through, and I learned to do it.

If you couldn’t survive the day well enough to be able to have the strength to pick up your bowl and drink your soup that night then you wouldn’t get nourishment, in which case you would die. That’s the first lesson he taught me at the end of my first day. At the very least, if you get beaten so badly that you come within inches of your life and a teacher has to step in to end a fight then you have failed and you must be expelled. The point was not to kill participants, but it happened. The point was to be able to fight to the death and win. Failure wasn’t an option for me, my handler brutally programmed the belief that I must never fail.

It sounds as though my teacher lacked empathy, that’s not the case at all. He had a great deal of it. The method of teaching, ancient and brutal as it may be, created people who can walk into a country and shift the dynamics so well that the nation would never be the same again. Then they would walk right out, completely unknown and undetected, never to be seen or heard of again.

They don’t get paid, they earn their keep. They don’t worship money, they become one with the elements. They don’t seek glory, they balance energy. They don’t chase vice, they pummel their body. They don’t seek violence they defend life, duty, integrity. They don’t deceive they maintain ethics. They don’t waste anything, they live in harmony with nature. They don’t deny truth they protect it. They don’t harm the innocent, they defend honor. They don’t seek gurus, they become the master. They don’t enslave, they enlighten. They don’t control, they embrace unity. They don’t war monger, they seek diplomacy. They don’t take an oath they can’t keep, they become the oath. They don’t break vows, they fulfill destiny. When faced with insurmountable odds, they go within. When in need, they commune and provisions are made. If they are not, they were never meant to be. They protect innocents, and innocence. They detest betrayal and punish it fiercely. They are unified, forever, with all ancestors throughout all space and time. They honor those who have come before and who will rise in future days.

When you become one with yourself, you become one with them. When you commit to your higher self, you commit to the oath to maintain balance. There is no turning back once your commitment is made. Anyone who breaks an oath becomes an enemy, a betrayer, an evil doer who must be erased. There can be no disgrace or shame brought upon the name of the great ones. Should this happen, actions must be taken to rebalance the harmony. I became a great student when I passed all such tests.

It turned out to be my desire for higher learning that my teacher approved of in me. My desire to continue to learn, grow, and evolve is what attracted his attention to me as a student. He wanted someone whom he could pass down higher learning to, some forms of teaching are so advanced that the ability to learn it only comes along rarely genetically speaking. Being neuro-divergent gave me the ability to see what he could see, hear what he could hear, comprehend what he was teaching. The fact that I was an outsider didn’t matter when my soul was one with his teachings.

I took abuse silently, for weeks. Getting bullied by cohorts who used my race and gender to attack me. Bullying on the battlefield was permitted during the initial phases, there were no rules then. But once you earned your spot and were welcomed into the brotherhood, bullying a brother or sister was evil. Harmony is only maintained when you hold it within, allow it to emanate, and maintain it within the brotherhood. Taking any action that would cause harm, shame, or any form of unethical behavior disrupts harmony. Their whole existence was rooted in the maintaining of the harmony.

Once I became a student and welcomed into the brotherhood, no form of violence was permitted outside of combat training unless we were ordered to defend. There were people who would occasionally come and attack the school, the students had to fight and sometimes to the death in those cases. Failing to protect the school, the teachers, and the precepts was a violation of your oath. Sometimes they set up tests to see who would pass or fail, if it was a real invasion or false one didn’t matter. If you failed you lacked the ethics and commitment and were dismissed. I never failed.

Our lessons were combat, meditation, healing, and precepts. As students, were were all at different levels. Dinner was a time to commune with teachers, fellow students, and even self. It was a sacred time. Here is where I learned about digestion. How we ate determined how our bodies would be nourished. What we were thinking as we ate dictated how our bodies transmuted energy. Nothing was wasted, not even time. During a dinner session with my teacher I was served my meal by a fellow student. He was older, had been there a long time, was a HIGHLY SKILLED fighter, and closed to graduating to become a teacher. He saw me as a threat and this ate away at him. He focused more on fighting than meditating, healing, and understanding the precepts that helped us achieve new levels of skill. He failed to address character flaws that lead to his becoming envious and abusive. It ate away at him so much that he forgot himself, even in front of the master teacher. His anger and bitterness caused him to attack me for absolutely no cause.

When my teacher witnessed a brother bully me, using my race as a means of abuse he was SHOCKED! He had been there years, he knew the precepts. He understood that race was no cause for abusing a brother or sister. Yet his rage caused him to lash out even in front of The Great Teacher. He brought judgement upon himself and I didn’t even react. “How long has this been happening” my teacher asked using English and emotion, which NEVER happened. “From the beginning”. He was surprised that I had not been complaining. “Why didn’t you tell me” he asked. “I wasn’t permitted to speak” I responded. When I was brought into the school I was told that race had no factor. It had no baring on my ability to achieve, or interact with anyone at the school. That once I became a student, all would welcome me as a sister regardless of race. I was instructed to act according to those precepts. Should I fail to follow them, I would be dismissed.

Communication in the school was simplistic, you answer the questions asked and you ask questions you need answers to when permitted. That is all. You were only permitted to speak rarely and those times were meant for learning something new. If I were going to survive and hone my craft then I needed the wise teachings. I couldn’t afford to waste any time on unnecessary communication. Every night I went to bed pondering if I should use one of my rare communication moments to complain about unfair treatment. I chose to reveal it instead that way I could keep what I earned, the time with wise teachers, as well as hold the bully accountable. This became an effective way of dealing with such issues, but it was time consuming.

Having to go to bed swallowing the pain of yet more abuse weighed me down. so I had to learn to transmute the pain. It lead to me asking questions that revolved around healing. While I was able to thrive this way, I was still being abused and this brings disharmony. So, I had to become skillful at learning how to reveal the abuse without actually speaking of it. My questions then lead to learning about mental maps and puzzles. As time went by I learned better how to analyze these people who came from a culture that was alien to me. I learned to read their tells as I could others. I learned to look past the conscious actions and seek deeper meanings. I learned how to get him to reveal himself without me having to do anything at all. When my teacher witnessed this he was impressed.

I never waisted communication. Even to do so once could interfere with my ability to use those moments to learn how to survive. Failure was not an option. If my teacher ever disapproved of me I wouldn’t live to see another day, my handler would have made sure of that. “This is such a rare opportunity, if you mess this up this is the end of you” he told both of us before he walked off at drop off. There was no option but survival. He was a master at double binds and he kept me in them for 45 years without let up.

“I see that your father has an unusual attachment to you. How long has this been going on” my teacher asked. That was a polite way of saying that he knew I was being molested. “From the beginning, and he’s not my real father”. I tried to clear that up every chance I got, I didn’t want my biological father being accused of his crimes.

“So you have come here from a place that we disapprove of, in a way that we disapprove of, experiencing things that we disapprove of, and here where you are to be embraced as a sister you continue to experience things we disapprove of. You could have come to me with these things but you did not. When getting bullied for your race, you kept the battle in combat and preserved your fight rather than wasting it outside of the battlefield. All this time we have told you that your race doesn’t matter, neither do your circumstances. Yet you are experiencing circumstances no one else is, because of your race and this puts you at a disadvantage when you are all supposed to be equal. All of this yet you still didn’t bring this to me?” No matter what the subject, situation, or circumstance I was always being tested. We were taught daily what our precepts were to be, forever, never shall we stray from these. My disadvantages weren’t even seen let alone acknowledged but I had to wait to reveal this otherwise risk losing valuable opportunities. “Never before has this happened” he said. “Never before has there been one like me” I said. He learned something new.

My teacher had no concept of what life could be like for me other than what he had perceived from his own perspective. He was a man who lived the same day, every day, his entire life. He was always on repeat. When things changed, it often brought him excitement. He was living in the same place he had always lived in. He was dropped off at the school as I was, but he stayed his ENTIRE life. He understood life outside the confines of those walls and mountains, but he didn’t grasp what it was like to be someone like me. How could he, where would he have encountered someone like me. I was the first one there. While he encountered Black people, he did not encounter Black people in that environment. Neither did many others.

Even The Great Teacher had difficulty seeing my reality, he learned this from how I communicated with him. I couldn’t complain, that wasn’t even allowed! I had to reveal the truth to him and I have to figure out how to do it without waste or violating a precept. I had to allow circumstances to be seen, I had to behave in such a way that would open the door to his understanding a new situation that he was reluctant to see. Had he been false to his own teachings, he would not have seen. I was also testing him, something he warned us not to do unless we were sure we were in the right. We would be punished severely for our arrogance if we did. I had reached the level of teaching my teacher. Every question I asked of him lead me to that moment and I made it happen in front of the bully, as he was bullying, and both got to witness the transition. My teacher couldn’t have been more proud, but also upset that I had experienced so much more pain than he was aware. He could feel the pain that I was suffering, but he couldn’t see it therefore he couldn’t understand it.

For my dedication, commitment, integrity, and ethics he rewarded me with promotion. “Protect yourself” he told me. Only teachers were allowed to strike anyone outside of combat training. But I had taught him, so I was ready to be that. Few had ever made it that far let alone that quickly.

What I learned in those moments was that most humans were visual processors, but that all process uniquely. I learned that even the oldest, most stable of creatures can change, learn, and grow. Even those rooted in doing the same things all day every day, decade after decade, after decade. I learned that being virtuous has a profound impact on human brains. I also learned that even where the most rigid beliefs have existed for longer than any can recall, that truth can cut through bias and misconception. He confessed that he believed my race was inferior, he always had that belief. That wasn’t news to me. He stated that he believed this to be true not because we were born inferior, there was no genetic attachment to the “condition”. He believed that Black people were inferior because we fail to rise high enough to fight back, to defend ourselves, to protect ourselves, to end the suffering we endure generation after generation. He believed it because we have failed to collectively rise up and fight our oppressors who prevent us from being whole. This is waste. Anyone who violated their precepts was viewed as inferior.

He had not told me this before I showed him what was happening to me. I intuitively understood how to communicate past his conscious bias to speak clearly to his subconscious where his misconceptions were rooted. A lesson he was proud to accept. Because he was so old, and isolated, he rarely had the opportunity to learn new things. When he did he treasured the knowledge, the message, and the messenger. Knowing what to value was a precept.

Rising to that level within the brotherhood was liberating, gratifying, and validating. It gave me a new level of determination. “When you become your own teacher, you have surpassed your teacher” he told me. For THAT lesson, I was rewarded with one of the greatest honors any human could ever receive, but also one of the greatest honors the school bestowed. He taught me everything.

He spent the rest of my time there imparting himself to me. His wisdom, everything he had learned, everything that had been passed down to him. People don’t understand how much knowledge these schools maintained. Every time I sat with them, with him, it was like being transported through a quantum tunnel into another dimension where time and spice collided and conspired to teach me what I wanted and needed. It seemed magical, particularly for a kid, but it was truly just misunderstood science. I learned to understand it.

Today most of the teachers and students are gone, tragically due to bigotry. He knew those days were quickly arriving and he knew that taking me into the school would somehow help to preserve at least some of their ways of teaching. He only hoped that I would be strong enough to endure, and I did. He was delighted to see that not only did I endure but that I was truly committed to preserving the way of life that had existed for longer than anyone knows. Even better was my passion for learning, many people are not interested in the intellectual genius of wise old sages. For me, that was my heaven! He saw me. Despite the vast rift between age, culture, and conscious awareness he saw me. Probably like no other human ever had. It was beautiful and sad all at once. I wanted those times to last forever! I wanted to be able to sit and learn from him and every other wise old sage on the planet as long as I could, but that wasn’t possible. The harsh reality of life charging at us a million miles a minute stole such possibilities from all of us.

I can’t even type these words without breaking down into tears. So much was learned, but so much was lost.

“Something is coming. A great evil. We have no time to spare. You must learn as much as possible. Are you prepared?” It was a great honor! One that many at the school had hoped for, fought for, strived for. I earned everyone’s respect after that. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment” he said.

Thinking back on it now, I wish I could have seen life through the lens that I see it through now. It would have been so different. I could have learned much more much faster, done more. But life doesn’t work that way. Yet another sad reality I must face as life collides with me like a speeding train rushing in a million miles a minute to destroy what nature creates. To eliminate what beauty has made. To erase the truth of all things.

The Great Teacher passed away not long after I left the school. He knew his days were numbered, I guess we all did but none of us truly wanted to admit it. Once he knew that you were a person of the highest ethics, loyalty, and integrity he became the sweetest man you could ever imagine. Like a great-great-great grandfather. Those were some of the most amazing moments of all my life. I was finally safe, for once in my life. I was embraced, as a whole, for who I truly am, for the first time. The only thing asked of me was that I learn, embrace, and never forget. In exchange I was blessed with heaven. It helped me find how to balance myself, in the most extreme of times.

He was so amazing he seemed like a mythical figure who could defy aging and live on forever. Because they were shadow figures who lived in solitude and exclusivity he never had his picture taken. Before I left the school, he allowed me to take one with him. I wish that my handler had allowed me to keep it, of course I most likely would have lost it through all the turmoil. But one thing I would love most in the world is to see it. When I ask for my file, there are sentiments that people couldn’t possibly ever comprehend. You can’t put a value on some things, ever. He was one of the most amazing men to ever life, he deserves to have our unique student teacher relationship honored appropriately. He should have a memorial, with me, always. I have had multiple teachers like him, they must ALL be honored! Even if I never see his image again, he is always with me. It’s just sad that the speeding train of bigotry continues to damage us all because some people can’t move past their attachment to the lie of white supremacy.

“I shall live on forever, in your memories, in your commitment” was one of the last things he communicated to me. “You have only to seek and you will always find me” he instructed. He never stopped teaching me, I feel his presence even now as I type, still teaching. Forever, eternally , The Great Teacher. “Energy never dies, it only ever changes” he always taught. “No matter how far away, with you I will always be. This is the true nature of the teacher student relationship. It endures all things” he taught. He understood things about life that have been lost to time. I promised I would fight to remember regardless of what evil tried to stop me.

No student would ever allow their anyone in their brotherhood to be killed without bringing justice to those who committed such atrocities. I wonder, when people choose to align themselves with evil do they understand the choices they are making? Do they understand the ramifications and ripple effects of their actions? Are they capable of grasping how their thoughts, actions, and deeds affect all time and space? The Great Teacher did, and he taught me. I made a vow to him that I would spend every day of my life fulfilling my promise of bringing justice to the world, balancing harmony, and being a bringer of light so that anyone who loses their path can find their way back to themselves. He taught me how to do this, it is my duty to teach others. The truth will always be.

The school was attacked by bigots, and those who could not or would not escape were killed. They desecrated the sacred land. The desecrated the sacred temple. They slaughtered the enlightened teachers. They slaughtered the students seeking enlightenment. They tried to erase history. They tried to hide the truth of life. But history remains within all of us, the ones who live on every day. “I will never forget the way” I promised. To this day I have not and I never will! I will transcend this dimension just as he did, fighting for truth, protecting the innocent, teaching healing, pursuing wisdom and enlightenment. Being “woke” has NEVER been any kind of threat, it has always been the answer to waking a sleeping humanity. A species of beings who have long forgotten what it means to be sentient and how to access the true beauty and science of life that allows us to perpetually raise ourselves collectively from a zombie like state into an advanced civilization.

No one will EVER comprehend what I have sacrificed to get to the place. No one will ever know his sacrifice. The sacrifices of all the teachers and students who fought until their very last breath to for the truth of all humanity. They faced their fear with courage, integrity, ethics, commitment, loyalty. I would never betray my brotherhood, ever. Their light lives on in me and I intend for that light to be free for ALL! There are people all over the planet just waiting for the opportunity to shine the light of truth onto the dark evil that casts ugly shadows onto the truth of reality. My every tear drop I shed on their behalf forever be captured in time so that the memory of their greatness forever rains. True power emanates.

You can hear of tales but you cannot comprehend what goes on deep inside of a person who has experienced things you cannot fathom. The decision to remain open is enough to help you open a door to a realm of possibility that can change destiny. The Great Teacher taught me this. I am still living it, learning from it to this day.

The more you learn in life, the more you come to understand that no one can know all things. There is an infinite amount of knowledge, awareness, and potentiality in life. Learning, growing, change never ends. It’s like mathematics, it wasn’t invented by humans, it arrived at the beginning of creation just like life did. It is an expression of what life is, it’s simply a way to view life through a different lens. Erasing this scientific truth doesn’t invalidate it, in fact, it only makes those believing in it less intelligent. When ALL are ALL then ALL are free. The Great Teacher taught me this, what he learned from me was that ALL can be ALL and when he learned that a new pathway opened up between our two world’s that were colliding in those strange moments in that majestic space. Because of that, the precepts live on today. Each of us with our own unique lens, but living it, depositing it into the world, manifesting a new more enlightened pathway.

To all of the brotherhood, may you rise and shine to bring about change. Never be cause for stumbling for another along the way. Stand, defend, protect yourself, protect your oath, protect the pathway. As evil raises it’s ugly head once again to stamp out the truth that shall always be, fight with courage, ethics, and integrity as our brothers and sisters did generation after generation, century after century. We trained for this!

To cease to grow is to decay, to decay is to die. When you continue to grow you never stop growing. He didn’t die, he simply passed on to higher nature. His energy is everywhere! I have never felt absent his presence, ever. People always ask how is it possible that I continue to survive the things that I do, I have many great teachers leading the way! I was always open to receive their teachings. They come from all tribes, all nations, all people’s, all tongues. They stand for a power greater than most humans have ever known. They guide the way so that the future can be maintained. They hold space for harmony and justice even if would should fall along the way. May we always honor the sacrifice of all our ancestors, none of us would be alive today if it weren’t for all their sacrifices. None of us would ever have or be anything.

Even now, decades later, evil shall not prevail. Killing students, families, bloodlines, truth, burning scrolls, books, desecrating temples, churches, sacred spaces, destroying the ancient knowledge and wisdom that maintains the truth of what life is, these are the crimes they commit. Failing to hold these abusers of life accountable is true sin.

The wisdom that has been passed down for thousands and thousands and thousands of years will not be suppressed, evil shall not stop humanity from transcending. Evil didn’t stop the school from passing on it’s knowledge. Evil didn’t erase the truth of life, nature, reality, or dimensions. The time of the school came to an end, but the truth ALWAYS remains. As long as life is, so to shall the students and teachers be.

“Protect yourself” means stand and defend. I took something from that bully (a grown man) that he would never regain again. It would forever affect his vision, in every way. I taught him a valuable lesson that day. I taught him that the weakest can easily become the strongest, in a split second. I taught him that vipers aren’t evil, they become viscous when they are forced to defend themselves from invasion into their sacred spaces. I taught him that vulnerability is not weakness, but bigotry is. I taught him that loyalty is stronger than pride and a little neuro-divergent Black girl can be stronger than the most evil men.

I stopped using chop sticks after that, but I think I will begin using them again.

No, this isn’t a creative “story” it’s my life. If I looked different, would it be easier to believe?

Those who know of the matters that I speak of understand. I can never go back to those days with my teacher ever again. I must keep moving forward in new ways, with his energy held close within. I can’t go back to those sacred spaces, they no longer exist. Much like the evil that attempts to consume all life right now, hatred eradicated not only most of that tiny population through genocide but also desecrated the sacred space.

That same evil went all over the world killing, hiding, destroying, lying. All with the intent of erasing the truth of life and anything that proves white supremacy to be a myth.

After surviving all that torture, getting to see things so few humans have ever seen, I won’t fail my oath now! What would that make me? Most who moved in and out of that school did so to learn martial arts. I was there to learn the great teachings from one of the greatest teachers who ever lives. So I did. Failure was never an option. What if I had failed, perhaps his truth would never have been known about him. I promised my teacher I would always honor his memory. I always keep my oath. Unlike the treasonous, treacherous, seditionists who currently occupy the United States Government, I have the courage of my convictions.

nazis have a long history of wiping out the truth of what they fear. Wiping out the proof of the existence of reality beyond the lie of white supremacy. Throughout all time and history they have gone all over the world committing atrocities. My oath to keep the truth will always be, just like the memory of The Great Teacher and the school that he maintained. My fight with nazis didn’t begin in May of 2020 or the George Floyd protests. Killing off innocent children won’t erase the truth of anything, you’re only calling in the greats to come battle your evil deeds.

I’m not playing catch up. But anyone in leadership who is in the position of trying to fight the evil tyranny, needs great teachers to help them see. They are everywhere, but do you have eyes?

Those of us who to take a great oath and are intelligent enough to never underestimate it’s power or impact will not be defeated by evil. My mentors understood this. Though they wanted to “manage” outcomes, they came to understand that this task was far more complicated than they would ever comprehend. True power is not taken. True power is not manipulated. True power is not abused. True power is not perception. Ture power emanates. The Great Teacher taught this to me directly and then he demonstrated it repeatedly. His students live on, he lives on, the way of life lives on. This truth will always be. Slaughtering innocents will never take truth away it only brings you eternal shame.

This isn’t the only perspective, there are infinite perspectives on life each infinitely valuable in their own unique way. What I learned in Africa and Australia would blow anybody’s conscious bias away. There can never be just one way, this will only ever lead to unchecked chaos which leads to absolute destruction. Though humanity has managed to accomplish this more times than we are capable of numbering, we cannot allow it now. Repeating the same toxic cycles is what keeps humanity sleeping, the majority of humanity is ready to awaken.

There can be no co-existing with annihilation. There can be no negotiating with total and complete destruction. Humanity must stand, now, to protect herself. We did not start this war, but we must finish it.

A new council of governments must arise in the ashes of what evil has wrought. There is no shame in this. There was no shame in the brothers and sisters who lost their lives fighting at the temple when it fell. There is no shame in the brothers and sisters who died fighting in WW2 or fighting the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade. There is no shame on the brothers and sisters who die fighting systemic oppression globally. There shall be no shame in America standing, right now, in this pivotal moment of history to bring down they tyranny that seeks to end democracy and equality.

All who have fallen have simply moved onto something even greater. Let us honor their sacrifices by standing together, in unity, to bring down the evil isms, schisms, inequality, and tyranny.

Now is the time for not only America, but the whole of humanity to stand and face our collective fate. Now is the time where we rise from the ashes of death and destruction that extremism has created to take a massive quantum leap for all of humanity, collectively. Now is the time to bring about harmony for ALL, collectively. Now is the time to awaken, move forward into the future as an ascended civilization. Now is the time to gather our strength to maintain the courage of our convictions as so many of our prophets of old and ancestors have done time and time again.

Much like true power, peace isn’t something you can force, it emanates. Create conditions conducive to peace and there is where it shall be. There can be no peace where profiteering from enslavement, abuse, tyranny, war mongering, apathy, and unchecked chaos remain. “Protect yourself” America, the world will follow in your footsteps to create the new world we all crave.

Human Rights = Life.

Transparency Accountability Oversight

Education Prevention Intervention

Democracy Diversity Equality

Equity Progress Ethics

Class I to Class III

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