12.31.21 And I’m Still Not Considered Human

Still A Hidden Figure — Honor My Contract

It doesn’t matter how I communicate, or how much space I consume while doing it. The issue is not now nor has it ever been, how, it’s always been what. The things that I communicate are what is important, nothing else. Because I come in a form that people see as nothing more than a stigma, it will never matter how I say it. I will never be received well, I never have been. That’s not even my purpose! I communicate what I see, think, feel. I communicate to express myself. I communicate how I feel I need to express myself. It’s not meant for everyone to understand, that’s not even my intention. I’m expressing as a conscious observer of life, from my lens, from the perspective, point, and position of my own existence. How I observe is unique to me, therefore, how I communicate what I observe is unique to me.

I have the right to take up space, though all my life I have been told I do not because I am not “human.” What a despicable thing to do to a child, it happens all day every day to Black people. I have always been called sub (insert your favorite bigoted term here). It never mattered what I had to say accept when what I said was making billions for elite White men, then the most powerful pay attention. People who know how to understand human communication, not specific to a certain group but the entire species see past the how and look deeper at the what. The value of communicating is always found in the composite picture, never solely the minor details. This is often just distraction. My handlers trained me beginning at the age of 4 to embrace my ability to consume large amounts of details to find patterns in minutia. Life to me is never about 1 detail, but observing many details, singular or otherwise, to see how they fit into a larger composite context. The larger the better. The universe begins to feel all at once smaller and more vast in those moments of observation. There is ALWAYS much to be learned for those who are interested in doing so. You can always tell what kind of integrity is involved in any given situation, is the goal to gain truth, awareness, knowledge? Or to achieve a specific agenda?

We all think we are being conscious observers all of the time, the truth is that inertia prevents such activities from being constant in this dimension. If we want to expand, it takes work. We have to push though what we think we know to reach deeper, higher, broader, beyond our own limited thinking. My handlers would say that teaching me to develop this method of analysis was in and of itself worth the abuses they put me through, obviously I disagree. To them the end always justifies the means, I promised them I would prove that theory wrong. They always said “no one will listen” and so far they have been correct. I always had faith that they didn’t have, it only takes one person to make the correct decision. Just one. I’m still waiting. Black people are still waiting. The planet is still waiting. All marginalized persons are still waiting.

“She’s a sub-human, she’s a machine, she’s an abomination, she’s a hybrid, she’s a mongrel, she’s an animal, she’s a demon, she’s unevolved, she’s a dog, she’s a toy, she’s a crash test dummy, she’s ignorant, she’s lazy, she’s a whore, she’s a slut, she’s a slave.” Those are the stigmas I’ve grown up with since the age of four. No one questioned the wealthy men and women hurting me, they only ever questioned me. It couldn’t possibly be their fault, it had to be mine. That hasn’t changed even until this very moment. My children and I suffer the consequences, still. “They figured out that it costs more to help the victim than it does to help the predator” that’s what my handler told me in 1982, I was 7 years old. It was in the middle of the mandated school day where my White cohorts were being taught coding in the most technologically advanced facilities the planet had ever known. I on the other hand was being turned into a “mistress”. I’ve yet to receive an ounce of justice even as White women who were victims of the same trafficking rings have had opportunities to seek justice and compensation for the harm done to them. Meanwhile my children and I have a hard time gaining access to food and housing! UNESCO UNICEF Amnesty International Human Rights Watch

When wealthy people commit crimes, particularly against a Black person, no one cares. It’s so easy to dehumanize a Black person because the entire system is set up to incentivize you to do so! We have no recognized rights in America and both the previous administration as well as the current administration has done nothing to help save our lives let alone the loss of our own culture and ethnic identity. Not Black American Descendants Of Enslavement anyway, we’re still enslaved. We don’t just live it, it’s taught to us generation after generation in the very schools we are mandated to attend that do not teach critical race theory but absolutely teach racism and other xenophobic and extremist practices.

The claim has always been that Black people pass a “curse” down to ourselves because we simply can’t figure out how to evolve. The truth is that systemic oppression ensures that ALL adhere to the mechanisms that keep the system in place, keeping us in the sunken place of enslavement without the possibility of escape outside the “charity” of the “evolved” and “superior” White man who is also benefitting from every aspect of our enslaved condition. It’s the ultimate double bind, my handlers were masters of the technique. Typical Tradecraft.

My handlers set the system up and taught it to me as they did. They wanted me to understand my “position of inferiority” because “a good slave” was “hard to come by” in the 1980s (not to be confused with the 1780s). They were wealthy, powerful, had full immunity, were Germans, supported the nazi movement from within the highest places of government, had oversight over all of the entire planet essentially, and had unlimited funding. No one ever told them no, if they did they were punished, if they lived to survive it.

THEY WERE GOD’S! THAT WAS HOW EVERYONE TREATED THEM! NO ONE CARED ABOUT A SINGLE CRIME THEY EVER COMMITTED! Least of all the ones where they were harming a poor, neuro-divergent, Black girl.

“If God cared about you then you wouldn’t have been born, you wouldn’t have been born Black, and you wouldn’t be here right now”. That’s how they raised me, they would NEVER speak that way to their dogs or horses. But the ability to further dehumanize the most marginalized was their evil superpower. Mind control requires a loss of a will to live, my entire life they have constantly sought to break mine without every letting up. It’s how they maintain control. All my life I have heard people tell me how weak and overly emotional I am. Those same people couldn’t survive 30mns in my position.

I mattered to no one, they made sure of it. I have always had to rely on myself for survival, that’s the point of keeping targets of abuse isolated. Abusers don’t want their targets to have access to support. They spent untold amounts of tax dollars controlling my family, friends, teachers, doctors, coaches, mentors, administrators, bible teachers, and anyone else I ever came into contact with. Just to ensure that they could control every aspect of my life, particularly during developmental years. If my Mom said I could go outside and play at 8 years old but my handler said I couldn’t, then I couldn’t go. Can you imagine how that made my mother and father feel? It never ended, as technology grows so does surveillance and the mechanisms of control. Now, it’s so simply just to use Ai, though the proponents will argue it’s safe marginalized person’s demonstrate daily that it isn’t. No one cares! I’ve been watched by drones since the 80s when the tech was still being developed. My handlers were in charge of the programs developing the tech. I was never a child, to them I was their “mistress” and that’s how I was treated. An asset. A package. A piece of property. It was all “legal” generally, but was it Constitutional, none of it! Did they violate my inalienable and human rights, daily, even until now. Still, no one cares.

My handlers are dead but their mechanisms of control linger. I still have no access to justice, ability to make decisions for myself, access to income, no payment of my contract, no medical care for the injuries I sustained serving this country, no disability benefits, no direct COVID cash relief, I struggle even to obtain social services aid, relief, and even food. None of it would be necessary if my contract were honored! Instead of paying me what I am owed the U.S. government pays to keep me impoverished and still forced to work for free against my will. I hear my words used verbatim in speeches daily, written in articles daily, shared on social media sites as “memes” daily, how much do consultants, speechwriters, and influencers make??? Meanwhile, I can’t even get paid for the work I have already done decade after decade. Every day I continue to be scapegoated for all of the consequences of every injustice thrown upon myself and my children, none of the perpetrators of the crimes ever being held accountable. While at times they may be called into question for crimes they have committed against White people, never has anyone ever questioned anyone about the crimes committed against us. Everyone simply turns a blind eye and scapegoats. If I were the picture of the “perfect victim” the response would overwhelmingly be different!

Every time that I speak out I am punished in some way! My children have been harmed in multiple ways, multiple times, no one has ever been held accountable. I am still under surveillance, hacked daily, a lot of the time I can’t even access the internet, my only connection to the outside world. My news is censored. My writing is censored. My art is censored. I am unable to use telephones due to head injuries. I was home bound years before COVID. I am legally a long term care patient unable to access long term care services due to the interference of the very men who have abused me my entire life! Patients have rights, but where mine are involved, no one cares when they are violated. I am unable to leave the home without someone accompanying me due to disabilities, but leaving at all is often a serious risk. I shouldn’t ever be left alone but I have no choice sometimes. If someone doesn’t bring food to the house I have no access to it. I’ve lived like this for years. No one cares!

My home has rat holes, exposed pipes with toilet plumbing leaking into the kitchen, half the house has no electricity, mold, bacteria, and dust particles from broken and sometimes wet drywall has been going on for months while I try to recover from long COVID. This has happened multiple times over the 7 years that I have lived here. I live in one of the wealthiest counties in the world. When I stop coughing up the black, brown, and orange sticky phlegm, and all the other symptoms are gone then I will know I have finally kicked COVID. It’s hard to do without healthcare and appropriate nutrition. I have had to triage my own health care since the local hospitals almost killed me, repeatedly, they are the reason I became FULLY and PERMENTANTLY disabled. I was partially disabled when I came to them, I deteriorated year after year after year after year after year under there care. They blamed me. What did insurance pay for? When I began triaging my own care which became more necessary when the lockdown happened, I started getting better. At times I was so ill I couldn’t even speak, now, I can speak, type, write, and emote exactly how I feel about what has happened to me in plain sight all day, every day, my entire life. Everyone complains about the fact that I am speaking, no one had a single concern when I couldn’t speak! World Health Organization CDC Flu

Instead of getting support from the State, I have been treated like a terrorist for being the sexual assault victim of powerful men and women, blowing the whistle, saying Black Lives Matter and Defund all while trying to protect my children from attacks that never would have happened if we were White. I am labeled a “bully”, “hacker”, “threat”, “divisive”, “danger to the community”, “threat to national security”, “inhuman”, “terrorist”, “traitor”, “abomination”, so many things simply for existing and talking about it. I was silent for 45 years, not allowed to take up space. I have said it repeatedly and I will continue to say it, I’m not going back into a box! Now that I am speaking, I won’t stop again, nor will I allow anyone to shape my voice. You can’t imagine what I had to survive simply to get to the place I where I can be free enough (sort of) to talk at all. If you haven’t lived enslavement at the hands of literally, scientifically speaking, the most dangerous, sadistic, serial predator to live in modern times then you cannot comprehend. I’ve lived 46 years and I have never encountered another like me, or him.

But I’m supposed to believe that I am the crazy one for wanting justice? That’s not even 5% of my story, but it’s enough to demonstrate that I am literally being enslaved and U.S. tax dollars are paying for it. While no one is being held accountable for any of the crimes committed against me and my family, I am forced to defend my self and my children in the ways that I am trained.

People don’t like the fact that I am a former paramilitary operative trained by the men who set up the industry. But I don’t like the fact that they turned me into a child soldier, molested and raped me my entire life, trafficked me my entire life, took all of my money, credit for all my work, and redacted my entire life including my education credentials. People always assume that I am the person they believe me to be. It’s difficult to overcome cognitive dissonance, I know, that’s what I have had to survive every day of my life. But I am not your projection, I am me. Most people will never know who that is because much of what I have lived is classified, covered by the highest forms of legislation. My entire life dictated by oversight committees, shadow dockets, and handlers. There is no path to justice for me, I have to burn my own!

I MATTER! I always have and I always will! No one has the right to attack me because I say it, or prove it, or write about it. I don’t care how much me telling the truth makes you uncomfortable. The same way that you don’t care about my trauma and suffering, that’s precisely how I feel about your opinions.

I’m being tortured in plain sight all day every day and people still think it’s fake! Black people in America are being slaughtered from ethnic cleansing and it doesn’t even garner a news report. America is under occupation by right wing extremists, all 3 branches of government are hamstrung, the country went “back to normal” in the middle of apocalyptic conditions, the pandemic rages on, climate reality is almost at PNR, and the wealthiest most powerful nation in the world has fallen to fascism taking 2.3rds of the planet further into authoritarianism along with it. The only people consenting to any of this are the very ones profiting off of enslaving 97% of the planet by weaponizing the apocalypse and we’re all supposed to pretend like we don’t see it. If we do see what’s happening then we are “divisive” and there are always significant consequences. There is no way to address any of this openly outside of Congress and social media, all of which are compromised.

Not a single piece of legislation has passed in 5 years that doesn’t benefit the very denied insurgency that is occupying the nation at every single area of critical infrastructure. Not even the infrastructure bill could get passed because it had elements that could possibly benefit a Black person!

“AS LONG AS I LIVE I WILL NEVER LET YOU BE EQUAL TO A WHITE BOY! A WHITE MAN! I WILL NEVER LET BLACK PEOPLE BE EQUAL TO WHITE PEOPLE!” Senator, member of the oversight committee that gave my handlers permission to do every thing they were doing to me! 1982, Reston Va., middle of the mandated school day, I was 7 years old. The room was full of students, teachers, parents, advocates, staff members, even my handlers. NO ONE STOPPED HIM FROM BREAKING THE LAW. FROM PUBLICLY WHIPPING A LITLLE BLACK GIRL WHO DARED TO BE THE FIRST BLACK PERSON TO REACH SUCH A HIGH LEVEL OF CLEARNCE AND SCIENTIFIC ACCREDIDATION! NO ONE TOLD HIM HE WAS WRONG FOR BEING RACIST, SEXIST, PHOBIC, AND A CHILD ABUSER! NO ONE TOLD HIM THAT HE COULD NOT SINGLE ME OUT FOR BEING BLACK, THREATEN TO KEEP ME FROM SURVIVING IN LIFE, THEN USE A PUBLICLY FUNDED KIDS SCIENCE PROGRAM TO FUND HIS ABUSIVE OF ME DECADE AFTER DECADE AFTER DECADE. After that assault against me, he was promoted to Congressman where he has remained to this day. He is in a VERY powerful position, continues to obstruct legislation that could possibly help Black people, myself, my family, and other marginalized populations. I have lived almost 5 decades under this tyranny from the far right extremists who clearly have been operating far longer than anyone is prepared to admit.

I loathe him, wouldn’t you? I told him that I would one day hold him accountable for every thing that he did, all he ever said to me was how miserable he can make life for me, and that he has done! But I’m supposed to act like it’s not happening, accept being treated like a slave, deny my own inalienable and human rights, allow my children to be abused, and disregard the attacks against my entire community as well as the country? All for the sake of the very right wing insurgency that stormed the Capital, got men killed in the line of duty, refuses to honor the fallen, refuses to support those standing in the gap for democracy, and attacks those speaking out for the most vulnerable? Myself included? I’m supposed to choose to ignore a holocaust in order to bow down to a false image of government that parades as “superiority”?

When I swore my oath, it was real. Integrity and ethics are not abstract ideals to me, they are a way of life. I fight for life, democracy, diversity, freedom, equality, and future forward movement in the protection of the homeland. We all should. But then again, not all are born with the courage of their convictions. People always accuse me of being arrogant, but literally I’m just talking about my life. If I were a White man I would be a billionaire and called a hero. But it’s 2021 and I’m still a hidden figure. U.S. Department of State The White House NASA

That senator who yelled those words at me was a member of the oversight committee that was funding the program I was being tortured, molested, experimented on, and trafficked in. He was there to see if funding should be cut. He wanted to cut funding because I was involved, a Black girl. I was the only Black person, I was the “diversity hire” or in those days as it was known the “affirmative action position” and I was treated as such. That was 1980, it’s 2021 and I’m still a hidden figure. My cohorts, all White men, run the world, but systemic oppression is still called fake. That senator who took it upon himself to publicly humiliate me was promoted to congress and he still obstructs and harms to this very moment.

There hasn’t been a single piece of legislation passed to address the targeting of Black American Descendants of Slaves and the entire Black Community. Of the hundreds of pieces of legislation proposed all sit, stalled by the very same right wing extremist insurgency that attacked the Capital. VERY FEW INSURGENTS HAVE BEEN HELD ACCOUNTABLE, THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN HAVE MOSTLY RECIVED A SLAP ON THE WRIST. Meanwhile, BLM protestors, observers, and journalists received multiple 10 year federal charges. My son, the victim of multiple gang mob assaults, was charged with the mob assault crimes committed against him while the attackers still walk free. His charges were even harsher crimes and longer sentences attached than most of those charged with the Capital Insurgency, AND HE WAS THE VICTIM OF THE ASSAULTS, NOT THE ATTACKER! The charges all had to be dropped, one of the officers involved on the case under investigation on another case. But systemic oppression is still called fake! One of the charges which was about to be dismissed, the judge told him to wait there in the courthouse all day until the end of the day to see if the victim would show up. The victim had been deported, he wasn’t showing up. The lawyer he retained, a former prosecutor in the same county, advised him to plead guilty because he didn’t know what would happen later in the day and no one wanted to sit there all day. There is literally an initiative to prevent such actions, all in the same county! Yet America still says systemic oppression is fake.

There are many measures that can be taken to ensure that all of these crimes are not only held accountable for but prevented. Yet both Congress and The White House continue to do nothing. Getting back to normal always meant maintaining the same toxic, racist, xenophobic, predatory system that landed the planet in a place that it my NEVER recover from! The very possibility of sustaining all life on the planet literally being held hostage by the same insurgency that stormed the Capital and has been decades in the making.

The only possible option for the United States Government is to hold the insurgents accountable, to put down these terrorists once and for all, not only to protect the homeland, but the future of life on the planet. Every day the most vulnerable Americans, much like myself, and so many others who have faithfully served (like my father before me) continue to go unaided. Left behind to wander alone out in the cold because the wealthy elite fear accountability.

I’m a different sort, I was tortured for decades. My handlers forced me to grow up learning extreme self control. Do you honestly believe that the others who didn’t have the advantage of learning how to heal, regardless of how difficult it was, will be able to exercise the same restraint? They have already shown you that this is impossible. What has gone forth before was merely a test run, the “right” intends to escalate this insurgency and to hold onto as much of the power as they can. While this administration has insisted we are not in a new cold war, the insurgency has been maneuvering everything in it’s power to ensure that we are entrenched in a cold war. This insurgency is not going to go away.

Everyone has a story, and that should always be considered. It’s not an excuse to be a tyrant however, or to aid one. So if this is what the issues is, the answer is obvious. You cease to be a victim when you actively choose to oppress. If there is no force, threat, or coercion involved then perhaps you aren’t so much a victim but more a perpetrator. But where force, threats, and coercion are present, why do these crimes go ignored?

This is a holocaust. Denying it will only ensure that the oppressors win.

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