A Black Woman’s Tale — COVID Diary
10.13.21 and I'm still not considered human.
When you go through the darkest of days, you can’t help but remember times passed. Naturally, genocide is triggering. Not only because of the overwhelmingly insidious nature of it but the origins. I was right there when it was all planned. You can’t imagine how painful this is for me. “We need you to stick around and clean up the mess we make,” they told me. I was four years old. They knew the outcome of their agenda, “it’s all collateral damage” they told me when I was five years old. “These people are already dead, they don’t exist. It happens, you can’t change that. All you can do is what you are trained to do” is what they told me between four and eight years of age. But I’m not supposed to talk about any of it.
“Why do I have to be the one to do this?” I used to ask with tears in my eyes, weeping in my soul, and vulnerability in my voice. “Because no one else will Danielle!” They NEVER used my real name, ever. They used no name, a code name, or even numbers and designations. If we were activated, my last name, whichever one I was assigned for that incident. But never my first name, the one given to me at birth. Even that was manipulated, but I won’t address that in this writing. I’m more tapped into the extreme mechanisms of control they used to dominate me at such a young age. I often ponder what kind of fear would cause the world’s wealthiest and most powerful men to behave like cave-dwelling Neanderthals with absolutely no hope of regaining an ascended manner of relating to humanity. I thought this at the age of three, four, five, and six years old when they were molesting, beating, torturing, starving, burning, strangling, waterboarding, finger torturing, shocking, cattle prodding, and running trains on me. They did EVERYTHING they could to tear away my soul, and it NEVER, EVER, EVER worked. I’m still here. After 46 years of nonstop torture, I finally said f — -it! I’m just gonna talk about what the f — - has been going on all these years! B — — s!
People have died since I began telling the truth. People who were NEVER once held accountable for all that they have done to the world. People have called on me to remain silent, threatened me and my family. People have attacked us by every means, even at this writing I have yet to receive a penny of direct COVID cash relief. Only one person in my home has received one payment of COVID stimulus funding, including unemployment and PPP loans. Even public assistance continues to remain out of my reach. My housing continues to be precarious. We continue to be dragged through long, drawn-out legal proceedings that in no way protect our rights as U. S. Citizens, we are ALWAYS treated as offenders even when we are the victims. This has always been true in our lives, and in some form or another every Black American life. This is largely true of most marginalized populations. Escalations however began with the rise of the Tea Party movement which coincided with the election of the first Black president. Those were monumental days yet tinged with pain because all Black people knew that we would all suffer for our participation in our human rights as citizens of the United States of America. Since that time, we have systematically lost access to the defense of our inalienable rights, our human rights, our civil rights, and our rights within our individual states and localities. Black Americans continue to be heavily oppressed at every level of society and there isn’t a single piece of legislation that has gone forth that would protect us during this global humanitarian crisis.
Humanity is facing almost insurmountable crises, all systematically engineered by a wealthy elite set of individuals who chose to follow guidelines set out by the men who raped me my entire life. It’s a tough pill for me to swallow and one that I will refuse to accept, ever. With the announcement of the former presidential campaign, and the former administration's intentional efforts to destabilize America using Black people as targets and scapegoats, America has systematically descended into an extremist fascist state that continues to be occupied by a small faction of racist right-wing adherents who have no regard for human life, the Constitution of the United States of America, or Democracy. But I’m supposed to pretend I wasn’t trained to spot exactly the very conditions we are experiencing today and report on them. I would actually be crazy if I did remain silent in the midst of all of this. That’s not now nor has it ever been who I am, it never will be. It’s not in my DNA. I am a fighter, it’s the only way any of us can survive. Even if we do freeze, we will eventually snap out of it and adapt. It’s how I was raised. So, why all the torture? It was training for me.
When I was about five years old my mentor took me out lat one night. I have no idea how he continued to get away with just taking me anywhere, whenever, wherever, however, but he did, every time. He took me to a graveyard, and to an open grave. “You will either escape before the oxygen runs out or you fail and it’s over”. Failure meant termination from the program. Termination could mean death or having my mind so severely abused that I will essentially be a vegitable. It also meant that my family lost all its resources. It could mean the death of a loved one, or a close friend. I never failed, but I was often punished. The consequences are the same for punishment. My fear wasn’t being trapped in the coffin, I had trained to escape. My fear was what was in the coffin. Rats. I developed a phobia that only now I am conquering. Things like that change you in ways that you can’t imagine. I was only five years old. I’ve never been weak, I’ve been controlled.
Yes, they are sick deviants in the most extreme. That should never be questioned, ever. They should not be remembered fondly as the men who saved America, or the founders of modern ‘Patriotism”, least of all not heroes. These are not “good people”, “very fine people”. No. They are pedophiles, rapists, bigots, psychopaths, xenophobes, narcissists, sadists, Libertines, extreme deviants, power-hungry, egotistical, genocidal thieves. They lust after babies, children, young teens, older teens, young flesh, flesh, just flesh period. They live their lives hunting after youth and innocents and stripping it of all its beauty. They take away the essence of life, they darken the light, they strip away uniqueness and inner beauty. They leave behind shells where once there was a whole being. “We go too far, we need people to fix what we broke,” they told me my whole life. It was my responsibility to clean up their mess. WTF!
The most powerful men in the world when I was born were these men, and this is the world they created. They selected me because of my proximity to my father, and their control over him as a Black man trained as a special forces operative in the extremely racist mid-Atlantic 70s. They chose me because I was the only person who could not only qualify for the screening but also pass all tests, torture included. They chose me because no one else wanted the job, I had no choice and I don’t even get paid. I could if the U.S. would pay my contract but they won’t. They pretend I don’t exist. Isn't that something? The U.S. wouldn’t exist without the work my father and I have done. The U.S. wouldn't exist without the work my handler and I have done. But it’s my identity, work ethic, and fitness in question. That is what an insurgent would say though.
I do the work anyway, if I don’t who will ever know what happened to us? In tradecraft, this is s called the double-bind, damned if you do and damned if you don’t. My handler specialized in this technique, it was his G-spot. I chose me, and my higher self chooses to fight for life. My own, my children’s, the Black Community, marginalized people’s, Democracy, and the planet. I am not wrong, it’s just the more difficult road.
On this day, more than nine months after the Capital Insurgency, almost two years into the pandemic, and it is yet to be determined how long this coup has been operating behind the scenes. Black American descendants of slavery are the primary targets of the insurgency as is easily recognized by their consistent attacks against our communities. This extremist regime has deployed systematic attacks that not only target the entire U.S. infrastructure but individual communities such as the LGBTQ, Muslim Americans, disabled persons, Jewish Americans, LatixX Americans, Asian Americans undocumented persons of color, asylees of color, those who experience police harassment, those harmed by the judicial and social work systems, and even vulnerable patients within the medical system, and the school systems. At every level marginalized Americans become more and more vulnerable to extremist attacks, bigotry, harassment, abuse, xenophobia, misuse as well as misappropriation of public funds. Yet at every level, we are told systemic oppression is fake or “propaganda” from the “extreme left”. Our human rights are systematically stolen daily and the entire U.S. government is in a stranglehold against the puppeteers who have been engineered to destroy at all cost.
Of every single demographic within each vulnerable population, Black American descendants of slavery continue to be the most negatively affected across every spectrum. All you need to do is search any stat on any disparity, it’s not difficult to see if you are truly interested in the truth. Yet we still don’t have legislation to protect our human rights and we are dying at apocalyptic rates, yet these conditions are still being called fake.
The men who raised me, groomed me, raped me, trafficked me for profit, they were powerful beyond human comprehension. I watched them reshape the world in their own warped image. They kept me at their side as they did, “we need people to tell the story of what truly happened here” they used to say. “Who better to tell the story than the lion who learned to write,” they told me. The biggest reason I never wanted to write about my life is that I don’t want to accidentally glorify them, in any capacity. Nor anything they have done, they were sick, the sickest actually. The most powerful men on the planet when I was born were the sickest, and that is why they were the most powerful. The world we live in today is the result of their maneuvering, manipulating, dominating, controlling. All for the sake of their own, very singular, sadistic, deviant vision. So yeah, these times are quite triggering.
They are dead and gone, only their minions left behind to run the system like a well-oiled machine. That’s how we were driven when they were alive, but what will happen now with less than controlled individuals running amock? These men were the sickest humans I have encountered, but not the worst. Those are the ones left behind with their fingers on the button of humanity’s future, playing Russian Roulette like it’s 1984. But I’m supposed to pretend that I don’t see.
I see.
United Nations The White House Progressive Caucus NAACP Black Lives Matter Global Network Library of Congress TIME Nat Geo Explorers
