Check My Own Reality
Poem
He would rather tell people I’m crazy
Then to say I’m sorry
Then he pays people to make the lie appear real
Or wait
Is that his wife
Hard to say
He plays all sides
But I’m the one left to pick up the pieces
Who is his wife anyway
Hard to say
He has more than one of them
But who am I to him
Nothing
Less than zero
Less than a peasant
Just the one bride
Responsible for all his tantrums
Emotions
Money
Kundalini
Orgasms
Life choices
Guidance
Spirituality
Peace
Healing
And anything else he demands
No matter how much he’s stolen
That I created him
That I created his empire
That I taught him everything
Nevermind he stole all I had
Just focus on my emotions
About the torture he throws at me
On top of all that
Just focus on the false narratives
To protect his false image
That is all that matters
When you have privilege
For instance
Why do some of the most
Irresponsible women need rescuing
But I deserve to be tortured to death
Never having done a wrong thing to them
Calculating
As if I don’t see it
Every red flag
Out in the open
Because after all
He matters
I on the other hand
Have no human rights protections
Easy to knock me “off my square”
Because stealing from me
While torturing and humiliating
Isn’t enough revenge
For something I never did
But an addict said it so
Therefore
The liar must not be lying
That’s the brain on meth
But it’s me and my kids suffering
He shouldn’t have chosen to habit
I’m not required to mop up after his poor life choices
He’s never ever once helped me
Ever
Regardless of how much my life dangled
He’s real concerned with the lives and bodies
Of prostitutes though
I suppose I showed up with too much self esteem for repsect
THIS is what I was fighting
This ignorant ass outcome
Yet here I am anyway
As if I’m the addict or dual diagnosis
Fucking habit
I’m fucking done
I said it then
I’ll say it again
Nothing changed in three decades
I am absolutely astonished
For all the wrong reasons
But I will NEVER go back
