Becoming your true authentic self as a Black woman in a sexist, racist, fascist world is far more dangerous than people think. Particularly if you are alone on that journey. That’s why most never make it. Decades of torture and abuse of every kind can take you to places you cannot describe. I survived it all! Why should I be ashamed of who I am? People pay “life coaches” millions per year to learn that kind of fortitude, why would I throw my hard-earned jewels away for the sake of lies, abuse, and chaos? That would make me crazy! No, instead I choose life. I choose to love myself with all of the empathy, compassion, and support that I have provided countless others for a lifetime. I gave forward because I knew that when the time came, I would need all of that energy returned to me. Tough choices mean being willing to overcome cognitive dissonance, I have always been ready, willing, and able. I’m patient not a quitter, but I can see how it’s confusing. I don’t owe anyone anything, I’ve already given all.
I appreciate every positive thing that has ever been in my life, I choose to learn from all the negative. I also choose to move above it. That doesn’t mean I ignore it, bury it, avoid it, lie about it, cover it up, or pretend it’s not real. I face it. That kind of self-determination scares people in ways most cannot fathom. Most people just pretend to be whole, few actually are. It’s so much work getting here, the sacrifices that must be made are difficult. The ancients told stories about it and people misunderstood, thinking the lesson was in the acquiring of things. The real treasure is inside of us and that’s what most fear. People are enigmas unto themselves, how could they ever truly understand you? Those types of connections aren’t just blessings, they take work to maintain. That’s why people end up going their separate ways, if you truly want wholeness it’s required at some point.
I worked decades to get here and I won’t give it up for anything. I deserve to be my whole authentic self and if you don’t like that it’s your own problem. I’ve spent decades giving to everyone, it’s time for me to return what I need to me. I can’t demonstrate a better way of relating to myself for my teenage daughter. What she needs more than anything in the world is to see that even after every kind of disaster, you can still be you unapologetically.
I don’t seek to harm others, so why should I allow others to harm me? I choose life. I choose love. I choose freedom. I choose equality, I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t. I don’t need anyone to validate my choices, my perspective, me. I just want people who don’t agree to stop attacking my human rights because they don’t believe.