“Get Rid Of Her” They ALWAYS Say
But what if it was you?
I still feel him touching me but I’m supposed to keep quiet because it’s my own negative thinking that causes the pain. At least, that is what delusional people say.
He used to get dressed up, fresh hair cut, waxed from head to toe, sleeping with his hair dresser after and telling me about it later. Smh. New clothes, cologne, and a fresh tan because I complimented him on how pretty his skin looked that way. I was only 5 years old. Kids will say anything. I was innocent, I thought if I complimented him it would defuse some of his psychopathy and perhaps I would experience less pain. It only fueled his narcissism, he believed his fantasies until the day he died. “Father”, “brother”, “husband”, “lover”, “friend”, “confidant”, “sex-salve”, “asset”, “operative” and whatever role he forced me to play. For 46 years I was forced to live that way, no one cares. But people wonder why I am angry?
“Age is only a number” he always said. “Children enjoy it” he would say. “We’re helping them” they all said. He knew that I didn’t like it, but he claimed it was because of my “negativity” that I felt that way. “You need to change your thinking. It only hurts because you are choosing to see it that way.” He kept up that programming until our last communication before he died. But I’m supposed to embrace the idea that it’s MY thinking that’s sick???
This is the true origin of the “Positivity Doctrine”. He was an expert in mind control and he used everything he knew to remake the world in his image. “You think that’s normal” I used to say with such condemnation. He would get so offended, seeing it as a rejection, he tortured me more every time. I learned not to say anything. He didn’t like that either. He wanted me to embrace his way of thinking. It’s funny that people think I am the one with the “victim mentality”, he was the one who had to use mind control to get his own way with a child. The victim mentality was obviously his to own, but he projected that along with everything else. Because he was given absolute power, authority, access to infinite funding, technology, and resources, he could rearrange anything to make it fit his sick fantasies. I can still smell him, every aspect of him. The soap he used, his sweat, his breath, his skin, his body. Everything. People grossly underestimate the impact a pedophile has on the child he molests. Particularly when they are given permission to abuse, without let up, decade after decade. “I’m going to prove we are the most superior species” he would say. Pay attention, look around the world, see who owns everything! That’s why I don’t follow shiny things, worship money, or powerful people, or anything that lack integrity. If it’s wrong, say it otherwise you keep feeling this sick beast.
He always wanted to live openly and freely. He felt like a victim because he couldn't’ molest and rape at will with impunity. He was already attached to people in society who felt the same. All he had to do was utilize their resources, use propaganda and mind control to attract whatever he wanted and needed, suppress facts, rewrite history, and deploy his tactical maneuvers. I always had to pay the price for his fantasies. When I became a teenager and started questioning everything, the fantasy was over and he ABSOLUTELY LOATHED ME! He still couldn’t let me go though, “I need you” he would say. He never stopped raping me, it’s just in the last 20 years he had to use rape by proxy or technological means. He never stopped though, and everyone looks away. Except those who paid to watch, and those who profit off the process. But those whose job it is to protect my human rights, never, ever have anything to say. Why? Because they are abusers too, in one way or another, they are guilty or complicit and are afraid of getting caught. “No one will help you” he always said. He was always right about how things would turn out. He made sure to always arrange it that way.
“Let’s go home” he would say. “Home was a make-shift pod like apartment built into one of the prison torture sites that he created to fulfill his wildest, sickest dreams. “This is a new build so I get the chance to build in or living quarters. It wasn’t just a torture site, it was a prison, built to do nothing but create pain. THIS is where he trapped me for so long. No one to hear my cries, or screams, or suffering. Just he and I, DEEP underground. No one even knew who I was, or what I was. Every time he smuggled me in, I wasn’t allowed to leave the quarters. I would just be trapped there all day until he came home. He even rationed my food, water, and bathroom privilege to “train me” to be his submissive. I wasn’t even old enough to reach the 4th grade.
What bothers me the most now is the total apathy shown, while care and concern are shown to other victims who have experienced only 1% of what I have. But they aren’t Black so what more do I have to say?
Some of the other victims are admitted terrorists who participated in the 9/11 attacks and other incidents globally. They have more support, protection, and respect then I ever have. I have NEVER committed a crime against this nation or any other. Or even against a person for that matter. I couldn’t, drawing attention of law enforcement would have brought unwelcomed attention and that could possibly lead to some truth being leaked. He controlled every step I took, literally every breath. He used music to remind me of his almost omnipotent presence in my life. I never had a way to escape. He had to die for me to get a breath of my own. It’s only been 4 months, but for me it seems like 10 minutes. Realizing how completely devoid of humanity this world is has been a very rude awakening. I thought people would care about the children they claim that matter so much. Truly, people are only interested in making populations of victims. “We shouldn’t have to worry about where we’re going to find out supply” he would say. They welcome narcists and abusers of every race, ethnicity, and background these day. Not so much then but when he realized that the populations were changing, he saw a way to make it all fit into their plans. I’m truly shocked that people sat back and watched it all unfold without doing anything. The few people who did try have been disrespected to the extent that their lives changed dramatically. They all lost hope, gave up on fighting for us. So here we are today.
I’ve lived my entire life as a law abiding citizen, yet I can’t even get a penny of COVID relief, medical care for my disabilities caused by him on those same bases, or even social security or SNAP assistance. No one cares. No one! UN Women UN Human Rights Amnesty International Human Rights Watch
In everyone’s mind, I brought this on myself with my “negative thinking”. What about his? He obviously was an incredibly negative person, he amassed billions for himself and helped other deviants do the same. All so the could be free to abuse, rape, pillage, and plunder with impunity. He set up a global trafficking network that has enslaved women, children, and vulnerable men for decades. No one cares. The two people to see any accountability for the ring were the two women who helped them run it. The themselves though were victims in so many ways. Both are psychopaths, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying they didn’t deserve to stand trial, I am just saying that the men are NEVER held accountable. Neither those purchasing children to molest, nor those who run the operation.
He committed the most heinous crimes against humanity and he did it globally. Forcing me to watch him do it the whole time so that I would remain forever terrified, easy to control, malleable, all because “it makes the surrender sweeter”. He either forced hoards, or incited masses to do all that and more. He committed genocide after genocide, and helped ensure that the WW2 nazi crimes could continue here, on U.S. soil with absolute impunity. He engineered the current insurgency, that's why they get away with everything. He never failed, ever. He always got everything he wanted, this will work out the same way. To this very moment, I am the only person who has been punished for his and his cronies crimes. Their “death” by rare disease is in no way accountability, it’s escape! No one ever has to feel sorry for them because they aren’t the ones suffering.
I can still smell him, even now in this moment. As if his ghost or some strange clone is reaching out to get a reaction from me. No one ever stepped in to intervene. No one does now, nothing has changed. The responsibility for cleaning up the mess they made has always been my own, no one cares. But I’m supposed to view all of this as not only my “lot in life” but as “God’s way”. This is what superiority looks like in America, under the rulership of white supremacy. It’s disgusting. It’s vile. It’s hideous. It’s full of nazi programming and brainwashing. It’s insane. But I’m supposed to view this as “the right way” and I’m mentally unstable if I don’t. Few in leadership take action to address the extreme human rights violations, global leadership also looks the other way. Beyond “big and bold statements” nothing is done, we just continue to be slaughtered, stolen from, molested, raped, and enslaved. So I wonder, what is the name of the God that you people worship? I want to make sure I never bump into any of that energy, ever again!
He made “our home” at a torture site. I was just a baby. He wanted “us” to have “our own space” where he could molest freely. I don’t think I will ever share most of the things I suffered there, or anywhere for that matter. I water EVERYTHING down about 98%. Contrary to popular belief, I do have boundaries.
He’s buried at Arlington Cemetery with full honors, he was the only one who could lift the sanctions against me unjustly. He refused because I continued to deny him, he proceeded to rape anyway. He died with the truth and made sure none would help. THIS IS AMERICA! Land of the free and home of the brave. Unless you are a child, Black, of any marginalized population, or have an opinion of your own, in that case you are targeted for extermination in the most dangerous game that they call life. Extremists love it this way!
My life still matters and I won’t stop saying it until my last breath. You should ALL feel shame. I will never stop fighting for human rights, to protect my children, or those who have been wronged, and your damn right I’m going to use my training. What do you think it’s for?
People always assume that with women present, things will be okay. I can only think of a couple women who ever said anything about the abuse, but never the racism. Even then they blamed me. Maybe one said “it’s not your fault”, I was five, she disappeared and was never heard from again.
A lot of times it was because they didn’t think I belonged in “their space”. Every other women I encountered blamed me, constantly calling me a “whore” or an “abomination”. As if that’s reasonable, rational, or even sane. But no one ever considered me a human child suffering under the weight of being tortured and raped by a grown man who was a sexual sadist and addicted to molesting me. He continued to be granted infinite money and power, and full immunity. More than anything, these women were threatened that some aspect of their own lives may change if he or any of them were held to some level of accountability. “You’re a threat to my children” they used to tell me. I wonder how they thought a helpless child be victimized by their husbands was a threat to anyone or anything. But that is how entitlement, brainwashing, and diseased brains work. It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault, no matter how hard you work to correct anything. No one ever cared to help, just like now, no one will tell the truth or intervene. “She brought it on herself” they say. I can’t believe people could even imagine that I am weak in any way. How the hell do people think I survived men whom the entire planet couldn't even hold accountable???
But what if it was you?
Library of Congress TIME Nat Geo Explorers This is another entry in my COVID diary, I wonder who cares as Pandora spills everything?
