IT WAS NEVER WHAT HE THOUGHT IT WAS
He just couldn’t see.
Music was my first love. He was jealous, very in fact. He spent a lot of time explaining why he should be my first love. I met hundreds of people just like him, that was out of thousands within their community locally. Globally there are millions of them, preying on children and taking their sick fantasized out on them. They are the vilest and depraved entities that I have encountered on this planet. They have no remorse, no sense of humanity, they are cannibals in every way.
He believed that love was an action, and that is what he taught his minions. The truth is love is an involuntary chemical reaction in the brain and it connects you to a particular frequency. All of us are addicted to this process, that’s how it was designed in order to preserve the species. But some can evolve beyond the addiction and learn to love unconditionally without attachment. This is what it means to mature, evolve, ascend to higher things. He wanted that, and one of his methods for getting it was to extract it from me. Obviously, he never knew love and failed to comprehend that this plan would always fail. It became his undoing and he brought it on himself, he admitted that in the end.
Love can be described as one being reacting to another in subtle ways that cannot be controlled, it has to be experienced. He never understood subtlety very well at all, he thought it was just imaginings from a disorganized brain. He learned the hard way that he was terribly mistaken and it altered his life forever.
“THERE IS NO GRAY AREA! PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN GRAY AREAS ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE!” He screamed this at me often thinking it would change my beliefs. I was five, I obviously brought those beliefs into this world with me because NO ONE taught them to me. I already knew. My beliefs didn’t need to be changed, he did. “This wouldn’t hurt if you would just submit!” That was his mantra my entire life. He wanted me to accept abuse as a way of life and think of it as “natural order”. Obviously he was insane. “I will NEVER accept abuse, was always my mantra” to him I was the one insane and he made sure that he communicated that label to the rest of society. Anyone who would listen. Anyone who would give him the time of day. Anyone who wanted to be in my life. Anyone who just wanted to help or be nice. To any and everyone and I still live the consequences to this day.
He was obsessed with what he thought was love, but it was only an extremely deviant form of lust that he experienced. A very animalistic way of thinking permeated his and his cronies' brains. They can’t grasp what love is because they don’t have the brain capacity for it. When they should have been developing those synapses that transfer that information through their brain, they instead were learning vile things taught to them by other animalistic people in ritualistic ways. To them, everything is black and white and they want to force everyone to experience life the same way. They believe they are superior, So if he believed it and he couldn’t see any other way then that was a fact. “Alternatives mean that I may not be right and I’m always right”. He was the epitome of toxic masculinity. He created a world where his own frame of reference is the dominating power, the world suffers for it to this day.
He started taking me to concerts to impact my attachment to music. He abused me in the concerts, he trafficked me in the concerts, and he abused me in other ways. I met plenty of famous people whom he trafficked me to and some of them were sick enough to memorialize the experiences in songs that became world-famous. Obviously, when I hear them, it triggers the memories. His deviance is everywhere, all of the time. He loved to take me to see artists that had songs that I loved. He would make sure that I suffered an extreme trauma there so that it diminished my enjoyment and attachment. “I want to be your first everything,” he always said. Everything always had to be HIS way.
When you are five, six, and seven years old it’s easy to be dominated. When you’re forty-five, and forty-six you see things from a higher vantage point. I knew he was this sick, I just didn’t comprehend how deep it went. How could I? Looking back through my rearview mirror, he seems like a completely different entity to me. One that bears little resemblance to a human in fact. I wonder how far removed genetically he is from humanity. If I see it and I’m literally a frog in a boiling pot, I wonder how others don’t. Why don’t they see it in any of them? Or is that people do see and are okay with it?
He wanted me to write about all of the things he did to me and he was intent on forcing me to do it by any means. I never wanted to, I knew it would just be used to further his sick agenda. But since I am forced to I am going to tell the truth as it happened, not how he dictated it to be. I’m not embellishing or sugar coating anything! “These are beautiful relationships” he used to say. It’s literally the sickest thing that can happen to a human being. Death would be better.
Every day people all over the world feed into the very system that he and his cronies created to keep everyone trapped in a facade. People constantly judge me for being “weak” for being a “victim” yet I’m the one who broke free and you don’t even know you are enslved!
I’m not going to sit in a corner silently while my rights continue to go ignored. I will continue to do whatever I need to in order to protect myself, my family, and anyone else who needs it if I can. I no longer care what anyone thinks of me. I care about justice, equality, and equity. #GetOverIt