Levels And Layers
When my mother died I Google d her name to find her obituary. What I found instead was an article so old that I completely forgot about the incident referenced, my mother described it to me when I was young. It was a story about a man shooting at my father when he tried to shop in a store owned by a racist White man. My father evaded his gunshots. It’s so eery that my son recently has had to do precisely the same. It’s so eery that my handler always said “your bother reminds me of your father” and “your son reminds me of your brother”. He never missed anything because that is precisely how controlling he was.
The racist store owner continued to shoot at the car as my father drove off with my mother and my brother. This happened in my mother's hometown, where her family had been for hundreds of years. The man who shot at my mother was a descendant of one of the families that owned ours only a couple of generations before the incident. When I access my ancestral records, that family name is all over it. That family name is actually all over that state because that’s the power of exploitation, you pass down vast amounts of wealth to whomever you desire while simultaneously passing down extreme impoverishment to those you feel deserve it. This is what it’s like to be not only Black in America but also, oppressed under a system so old no one can remember when it didn't exist.
When I Google my father’s name, nothing comes up no matter how many ways you search, it never has. Ever! My father was special forces, a paramilitary operative, and was wounded in Vietnam. He should have been buried at Arlington National Cemetary, he more than accomplished what is required to receive that honor. When I asked my own handler, who also handled my father, why he could not be buried there he flat out said it was for racist reasons. “I will make sure he has nice accommodations,” he said. My father is buried in a mausoleum at Amelia Airforce Base. While I hear that the accommodations are very nice, it’s nowhere near anyone in his family. In fact, it’s hundreds of miles from all of us! I have never been there, never seen a picture of it, never had the opportunity to. I couldn’t even go to the funeral. Thanks to my handler, I was otherwise occupied doing his bidding as had been required of me for 45 years. I didn’t even know he had died. I should have been able to bury my father, receive his flag, his dog tags, be present during the 21 gun salute. But I wasn’t because the man who controlled and abused me my entire life wouldn't allow it and I’m supposed to accept this as my “plight in life”.
I should have my father’s flag displayed in my home for my children to see. They should be able to honor my father’s legacy as no one honored him in life, my handler wouldn’t allow it. Instead, it remains locked away in a storage facility waiting for people who don’t care about him to maybe consider taking it out one day. My father told me long before he died what he wanted to happen with his possessions, his creations, his writing, his memories. He wanted me to have it because he knew I was the only one who understood the importance of his sacrifice, his struggle, his burdens. I’ve yet to even see any of it.
We don’t just get scrubbed from algorithms, we are being scrubbed from existence and no one cares. In the future when researchers look for data on this extremely important time in human evolution, there will be no trace of my father and barely a trace of me. Yet it is both my father and me who did the work to help bring about the technology boom of the 80s, particularly the internet! It was our blood, sweat, and tears that helped America advance in ways it had NEVER even dreamed of before. But no one knows because all traces of all of our lives, accomplishments, creations, work, and actual destinies are systematically being erased as though we never existed. All credit for our incredible accomplishments are given to people who not only don’t deserve it but even under the best of circumstances couldn't achieve what we have.
It’s 2021 and we remain hidden figures while the world goes “back to normal” and our entire race continues to be oppressed to extinction during a pandemic, an insurrection, an economic depression, and unprecedented climate activity. We are dying in a holocaust, in mass numbers, in plain sight, live-streamed 24/7 all over the world, and people (even those in the highest places of government) still call it fake. Ai could easily change it all, but Silicone Valley was not created for All, only all. Twitter Public Policy Facebook Research
Literally, the Taliban has more privilege on the internet in America than I do. I wish this were an exaggeration but I continue to be censored, banned, shadowbanned and labeled as one who spreads hate speech. My ability to freely access hashtags, @ mentions, websites, and even at times THE ENTIRE INTERNET continues to be blocked and/or obstructed. But I am supposed to accept this as my “plight in life” because the very same people who are made multi-millionaires and billionaires not only off of the work that I have done for decades, but also off of my torture, abuse, and exploitation? Even though all of the research that went into creating all tech that Silicone Valley uses was paid for with tax dollars in public/private classified research programs? This is nowhere near rational let alone superior!
My handler used to abuse me at Arlington National Cemetary where he was “laid to rest”. He literally chose to be buried in the place where he molested me for years. We talked about the plans he made for his funeral when I was a little girl, as he was molesting me there. He intentionally traumatized me in the location he chose for his final resting place. He explained that he wanted to create an “energetic imprint” of the two of us then be buried so that he could be near “our energy” forever. He believed it would help him “manifest” his desires not only in this life but for the next. But it’s my mental health people, question, never his!
You would have to understand his thinking to know the significance of his choices. He wanted me to die with him, “God’s take their mistresses into the afterlife with them” he always said. He was no God, he put on the shroud of one. I was never his mistress, I was his victim.
“You’re only a victim if you have a victim mentality” people are quick to say. This is yet another propagandized trope that he made very popular in the 80s. “We simply rewrite the narrative,” he said, “make the lie appear true” he taught. That’s typical tradecraft, standard operating procedures. “We keep the focus on the victim so no one pays attention to the crimes,” he said. “We call it a glamour,” he said. I’ve lived the consequences my entire life while he and his cronies escaped all accountability. The entire world is now under that glamour, but somehow I am supposed to believe the origin of the problem is me and not the perpetrators? If I don’t believe this I am “out of compliance”, “mentally unstable”, and undeserving of support, or life? But no one ever questions the minds of the people who not only believe but enforce these lies in the cruelest of ways.
My handler never wanted me to see him for who he truly was, he wanted me to view him as the projection of what he intended. Nothing has changed at all with his cronies, they all still operate in the same way. They don’t know how to think for themselves or create, they have to rob, steal, and copy. They look to talented and gifted people to abscond with their knowledge, skills, and abilities. This isn't a new game, they have played with life in this way for so long that people believe the lie “this is what life is supposed to be”.
He and his cronies weren’t just greedy, they were envious. They wanted all for themselves and their progeny. “It gives us more strength” they always told me. They weren’t just referring to money, they were talking about energy, organic or otherwise. They spend TRILLIONS researching it annually. They spent billions on the first year of the program I was in alone, and that’s in the freaking 80s! All they cared about was themselves, and their agenda.
A couple of them realized they had gone too far and were going to destroy the planet with their greed. We are so close to that moment right now, and people are still asleep. “We need you to stick around and clean up the mess we made! We need you to sound the alarm” they told me. “We need you to be Paul Revere”. The problem is, I was forced to warn the world about the predators they love and adore, but who loathe me for the color of my skin, my gender, and the conditions my abusers put me in. I wonder where the proclaimed humanity or equality is in this situation?
My handler could never understand until the very end that I always knew the real man. He was shocked by that truth and the reality of it terrified him. “I never saw this side of you” is all he could say. It wasn’t until just before his death that he caught a glimpse of the damage he had done not only to me, the country, the world but also to himself. He learned something new, but it was too late.
He never saw me for who I truly was though I was always authentic and this is because of cognitive dissonance. He realized in the end that he was never capable of seeing me, and that cut him to the core. Anytime a truth breaks into the fantasy bubble of an unstable and delusional person, they always behave recklessly. For him, that meant violence, torture, more rape. He believed in expelling his negative energy and forcing it on to others to deal with, “it’s the natural order” he used to say. But it’s my thinking that people question, not his?
He had shifts in his consciousness, in the end. It was interesting to experience particularly via the means we were communicating. He could be just as evil as he wanted to be until he couldn’t anymore. That reality deflated his ego and forced him to catch a glimpse of the harsh conditions he created for me. “I can’t handle what you can” he communicated. My response was “you never showed me mercy, weakness was never tolerated”. He was saddened, “You don’t care! What have I done to you?” After 45 years of extreme, systematic, brutal torture he only for the first time recognized how deep his sickness was.
I have seen many people go through similar experiences and not budge an inch, and while he was most certainly that kind of person he didn’t always react that way with me. I have been in that place with him many times before but I was never able to say no and block him from having access to me, this time was different.
Watching him get confused about things that a tiny child understood intuitively taught me at five that I was dealing with the kind of extreme deviant, violent actors that most people never escape from. He made sure that he drilled that reality into my head, “You will never escape. I won’t let you, we won’t let you.” I’m 46, he died when I was 45, I’m still fighting to escape them.
“You treat me like a child” he used to say to me. By the time I became seven years old, he hated it. It made him feel little, his abuse became more sadistic as a result of that trigger. He was both obsessed with and terrified by me, he found it enthralling as long as he could control me. But once you reach your teens, that control dwindles and there is only torture left. For an extreme deviant to feel this way about an extreme empath was simply “research” to his cronies and while he resented their interference, it was the only way he could get away with what he was doing and suffer no consequences. Whatever he did to me was “data” to them, very valuable data. After all, I’m no human anyway so the more information they can gain the better. To them, I have never been anything more than a sub-human or a machine. But those very same people are highly revered and no one questions their behaviors.
I’m not the only one, this is just my story. It’s happened to countless people for so long no one remembers what life was like before the torture began. That was his intention, to be a forever imprint on the human psyche. He believed it made him more powerful and that he could direct his incarnation process, and control those of others. But my mental health is the one in question?
It’s not the fact that he believed it, people are free to believe what they please. It’s the fact that he believed “collateral damage” was a justifiable option to prove his sick theories and accomplish their genocidal agenda. That collateral damage destroyed more lives than can be numbered. There were always other options, he consistently chose to ignore them. “Solutions mean there is an alternative and if there is an alternative that means I could be wrong, and I can’t be wrong” he would say. He was trying to prove to the world that he was God, most only ever saw him as the devil.
I’ve known him all my life, he raised me. I know things about him no one ever knew. He forced me to be one with him, not close, one. He would accept nothing less, I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries with him. You think I don’t know who he was? You think I didn’t know how to hold up a mirror to him? You think he didn’t know what I was capable of? Of course he did, he trained me. He literally developed weapons to control and dominate me, because torture wasn’t enough in his book.
Sometimes when he actually saw a reflection of himself, which he did often with me, he couldn’t look away. “I don’t just see, I can’t stop seeing” is what he echoed to my “I can’t unsee that” response to his offer. Until the last minute he wanted me to accept his lifestyle choices, but how could I? “I’m not Eva,” I told him repeatedly. He wanted me to die in his bunker with him like Hitler’s “child mistress” was forced to do. “If you love me you will” he always complained. Yes, at one point when I was a child I did tell him I would. I was surviving his torture, what would you do?
He understood me more than any other human, he never allowed me to be myself with anyone else so of course he did. But even then he couldn’t fully understand me. It was that loneliness that I developed in those dungeons, strapped to tables, being raped and tortured, that made me understand why he was the way he was. He knew that would be the outcome, he was an expert in torture. That’s the whole reason he did it, to break me down and rebuild me in his image. He knew how much pain he caused me, to be so alone, so isolated, tortured. But he didn’t care because that’s what had been done to him. He couldn’t understand the consequences of it all, or how burdensome he was. He was privileged and elite, nothing affected him the same way.
All he cared about was achieving his outcome of a constant, faithful companion that fulfilled his every desire and never once told him no. He couldn’t understand how he was dominated and broken into submission, but I couldn’t be. No matter how hard he tried.
In the end, he kept saying “I brought this on myself” but I wondered if he meant the entire collapse of the sick system he created to enhance the system of oppression that already existed? Or if he meant losing me, which he did say was the issue, but he still could have meant “I should have tortured more”. I don’t know, I was just trying to get away. But I do know that I should have NEVER been forced to live any of it, neither should anyone in my family, neither should any American, neither should any human!
It’s true, I do have empathy and compassion. I never saw it before now, felt it before now. These people are truly ill and no one understands them or wants to help them. I’m living that experience. “Walk in my shoes then” he would get so angry and scream at me. I was just a tiny child but he treated me like a grown woman, his expectation was that I be his everything. He literally depended on me for clarity, even at four and five years old. These people are extremely ill, have been left behind, no one wants to deal with them except to exploit them, and they are easily bamboozled. I get it, completely. I wouldn’t choose genocide, pedophilia, and rape as my options for managing the difficulties, but I get how they ended up there.
#Transeparency #Accountability #Oversight #Education #Prevention #Intervention
Turn Earthship around for All, not just all.
Both of my parents died alone, in isolation, exactly as I am living now. My abuser caused all of it, there wasn’t a single action that he wasn’t responsible for. Even he admitted that to me when I was very young, “everything that happens to you from this point on is a direct result of what I do to you now” he said. It was the beginning of kindergarten and I was five years old. I still live it to this very minute.
Systemic oppression runs deeper than even the victims of it can grasp. It has many levels, layers, tentacles, dimensions, and dangers. We navigate these waters daily, without let-up because we have no other choice. Our own country, fellow citizens, and even families are our own demise because of xenophobia and apathy. What are supposed to do? Accepting this “plot in life” is not an option because it’s not human. People should be asking why people harm, and why people are apathetic about it not, not why are the people harmed experiencing hardship and why can’t they move past it. First of all, it's not the past if it’s still happening. Second, we can’t move on until the root cause of the problem is resolved. That is how a healthy mind addresses problems, not choosing to control, dominate, oppress, and abuse to get your way.
My handler is the first person to ever teach me that “slaves and descendants of slaves are strong because they are forced to adapt in order to survive.” I was about five or six when he taught me this. “We have become weak because life has been too easy for us for too long. We have had servants for centuries, we don’t even have to think for ourselves. We have to correct this problem” is what he told me their concern was. Between five and eight years of age, he engulfed me in his culture and forced me to understand “their plight” which I could not relate to in any way shape, or form. He made sure I learned. “We need to broaden our gene pool and improve our epigenetic expression” he taught me. The “we” meant the “elite”. The way they planned to do that was through forced pregnancies, violence, removal of human rights, and a fascist agenda. We are seeing it unfold unimpeded with increased effort today.
“We have always had breeding programs, this isn’t new. We will operate this one the way our ancestors did in Roman times, but we will make improvements. That is your job, to help us make improvements” he said. He designed my life for me before I was even born so by the time he taught me what he wanted me to be, he had no patience for tears and hesitation. “A baby changes everything” he used to say, his wife did too but for different reasons. “It limits your options in life when you are a woman,” he told me when I was five. “Then why are you forcing me to do this,” I asked him “because it’s what I want” was always his answer. I never had a choice in any matter, the impact on my life was never considered. I was used as a tool and tortured when I was found “out of compliance”. Nothing has changed, the system repeats the same cycles and he isn’t even alive anymore. Yet I am expected to accept this as my “fate in life” and allow myself to be labeled with extremely derogatory, inaccurate, and destabilizing slanders when I fight back. Of course, I fight back and I always have yet I continue to suffer the consequences of it. So I wonder, how is this system in any way superior?
The truth has always mattered, just like life does. When we mask it, hide it, manipulate it, propagandize it, or clone it for another to steal, we do incalculable damage to countless lives. There is no superiority in any of this, only selfish ego and deviant gratification.
People are fighting hard as hell to keep the truth masked in America. My handler would rather die than face a public who may have heard rumors about the truth of who he was and the sick things he did, he’s not the only one. They all feel that way.
They are terrified, mentally ill, extremely violent, and convinced that their superiority gives them the right to do as they please, even topple their own government through tyranny. These are not ordinary people, they are not good people, fine people, “salt of the earth” people. They are the original super predators, the men who literally coined the term and lobbied it against Black and Brown people for the sake of control. They have always scapegoated their targets, nothing they do is new. They have no new ideas, they simply recycle the old ones. They want a world where they are free to prey at will and their targets aren’t allowed to say no. If we do, we are severely punished. If we fight, we are simply killed. We have no freedom to escape this “plight” in life and we are expected to accept it willingly because we are supposed to accept “inferiority”. These people spent decades torturing me trying to force me to believe that I am inferior, it never worked. Why are their own people so easily mesmerized???
The fact that we still have no protection from state-sanctioned attacks not only from civilians within the system of oppression, but security forces, should tell anyone all they need to know about the status of Black Life in America. While precautions were taken to ensure that perceived allies of the privileged class received special protections, legislation, and action to protect their lives during this pandemic Black America remains the only population left out in the cold yet we are the most highly affected by every single disparity. “People treat them like that because of how they act” is what I have heard every day of my life. That is s a lie. Have the insurgents been treated like us? Has the Taliban? Has Al-Quaeda or ISIL? Proud Boys or the KKK? Not at all, only Black Americans, specifically descendants of slaves. “We want to reduce the population of descendants of slaves so that we don’t have to worry about future generations coming back to take revenge” he taught me at five. That’s when he began to teach me about Ghengis Khan and his rape, kill methods that impacted almost the entire gene pool of the entire Asian continent. “I want THAT kind of power” he always told me. I realized early on that it would be difficult if not impossible to get away from his insanity. Instead of people seeing this type of entrapment as a crime that should never happen, it’s reduced to “controversial social conditions” and ignored. Where is the sanity in that?
To this very day, I continue to be monitored, cyberstalked, stalked, bullied, harassed, hacked, and abused. No one has been held accountable for anything, I am one of many. My family has lived in America forever, I can trace my family back to the 300’s. Why am I the one who is not only oppressed, isolated, tortured, marginalized, and abused on my ancestral homelands but whose “identity cannot be confirmed” as though I don’t belong here? Particularly when those who have committed vast amounts of genocide, rape, pillaging, and plundering this land present themselves as God’s and are honored as such in place of the people who actually do the work to bring about growth and change?
The number one responsibility of #Congress is to prevent all of this.
America has #failed The White House United Nations NAACP Human Rights Watch UN Human Rights
There has never been a day when I am not reminded that I am still enslaved, in the wealthiest nation with a Democratic government. People still call it fake, people still don’t care. But I’m supposed to accept this as my “plight in life”?
