Methods Of His Madness
Torture, Mind Control, Sexual Abuse; Life with a true sadist.
He was a master of mind control. He raised me under those circumstances, manipulating my brain, abusing me then suppressing it. Using the most advanced technology, drugs, chemicals, sleep deprivation, extreme desensitization then extreme sensitization, any trick he found interesting he use don me. He enjoyed it. He loved the power that he felt by doing it. I have no way of knowing how many people he did it to personally. But he created an entire program where they developed digital technology to help them use it to do it to masses. But people wonder what’s wrong with the world? U.S. Department of State The White House President Joe Biden Vice President Kamala Harris Congressional Black Caucus Progressive Caucus UN Human Rights UN Women Amnesty International
At some point America will have to get real about dealing with it’s dark past because it has become the monster of the present. No, we can’t just give in to authoritarian tyranny that is happy to weaponize pandemics in order to intentionally trigger apocalyptic conditions. Obviously these are not the people anyone needs in leadership. Clearly they are willing to destroy the entire planet to get their way. This is what happens when you empower narcissism, weaponize psychopathy, reward abuse, deny facts, propagandize life, and commit the worst atrocities modern humanity has ever seen then gaslight the world about it. It’s time to tell the truth and deal with your runaway packs of wolves posing in sheep’s clothing. The planet doesn’t exactly have a lot of time now does it?
The Black Community is tired of being everyone’s dangling carrot. We are human beings, yet we are treated like less than animals. We’re supposed to accept it because “good people” don’t want to be offended by our emotions concerning being ethnically cleansed. What kind of insanity do they teach at your schools? You know, the ones Black people aren’t allowed to go to, for this very reason. LOL, I went to one. They teach racism, point blank period. They teach people to be racist. Then they pretend that racism isn’t real, that it’s a myth Black people make up to cover up for our “inferiority and weakness”. People genuinely believe this then they pass the ignorance on to their children, teaching them to hate because the “bad women” are attacking “innocent daddy”. lol, you ever notice how it’s only the batterers who get angry about women telling the truth about anything?
Schools, private or otherwise, teach that Black people are inherently weak by birth and that there is no way to help us. That’s CERTAINLY what I learned in public school! They still teach the same things, they just use politicized language that masks the racism. They teach that we are immoral, have no soul, are “cursed by God”, and that our bloodline killed Able so we must suffer forever. I swear if I write a story now and it becomes famous, would it make sense to take one sentence from the story and turn it into a mechanism of power and control to be used for HUNDREDS of years because people fear moving past it? Does that sound rational at all? Is it possible that we can move beyond other peoples misunderstanding of life in general? Since we are capable, can we just keep evolving? Those who refuse let them stay where they are. But the entire planet should not be suffering for the sake of the life of white supremacy because some people fear growth and what’s beyond it!
Because of your very real xenophobia, you will justify genocide? But it’s “divisive” to tell the truth so NO ONE will read a word I write other than the surveillance teams. lol They’ve been around me my ENTIRE life, who do you think I write for?
Sounds crazy, delusional right? I’ll give you some examples. “I want you to go to the pool Saturday morning. Get there early so that you can get a table. I want you to bring a radio so that you can listen to music, just don’t turn it up too loud. I want you to wear that pink bathing suit that I love so much. Someone’s going to give you a pair of Wayfarer's before you leave today, where them when you’re out of the pool. I want you to peacock. I want to see the whole thing, the walk, the hair flip, the neck turn, the smile, lounge, the confidence, sell it. At a particular time I’m going to play a song on the radio, when you see me Monday morning, I want you to tell me the song as well as the message before and after it played. Also tell me the name of the DJ and the name of their radio show. Do you understand?” Those were my instructions, I was 7 years old. My handler ALWAYS objectified me, there was never a time when he didn’t. When the other kids were learning about nature and coding, I was learning this. It had a two fold purpose, to train me in tradecraft, but also to sexualize me. “The best operatives are females. Age is nothing but a number, you can do this”. That’s what he always said. The song that played was “Don Henley, The Boys Of Summer,” it became our signature song. A way for him to remind me that people will ALWAYS be watching, always, but that he was who I had to always “come home” to. I was 7 years old. Obviously, you can imagine what the song triggers.
All of his instructions served a purpose. To train me on gathering details in the field, to connect my memory to certain cues, to align my with satellite tracking, and to get me accustomed to listening for cues over the radio. The sick feeling you get when you are being sexualized and you are just a young child is something that makes you feel VERY uneasy, it’s a unique feeling, it’s one that doesn’t ever truly go away. It can return if triggered even if it hadn’t been around in many years. The song can sometimes trigger a reaction in me to this day, though that particular incident was decades ago, many others occurred that would also include or reference some aspect of the song. Music was my first love, so he turned it into a nightmare that was suffocating. That’s what happens when people trained to use mind control have free reign, particularly with children, they look for ways to abuse. The world now has tech that does that to us daily.
A couple of weeks later he said “I have a new assignment for you”, I learned to dread them. They used to be fun when we were travelling, visiting interesting places, doing things that thrilling. But he always managed to weave abuse into it, even more than it already had been. I couldn’t just have an adventure, there was always a tax, a toll. Everyone else got in for free, but Black people have to pay a tax. Mine was being molested and trafficked, everyone turned their head PARTICULARLY the wealthy Black people who were happy to be “accepted”.
As long as they kept massa’s secrets, they got to make money. None of them were on the scale of wealth of the White people, that’s like comparing elephants to ants. But the ant is very strong, and can even be dangerous! Well organized, have drones, move in groups, collect parts for reuse, preserve for times of shortages, they are very intelligent. Of course if the elephant chooses to stomp on them they no longer exist, but in their own sphere they have power. I on the other hand couldn't’ even aspire to become an ant! At least that’s what they told me. “You’ll never be anything. You don’t have a father, (but I did though) you’re poor (but if you would stop using “enhanced torture” on my father I wouldn’t be though) you’re precocious (but I’m not though, I’m a little girl being abused by adults and the other adults just “move past it”).
There were lots of excuses, I heard them daily. After all, I’m just an “abomination” anyway, so who cares what happens to me. That was every day life for me at home, in school, on base, no matter where I went. THAT was my life. I couldn’t escape him, his toxicity, or his assignments. So I learned to dread everything he said, I just had to adapt in order to survive it. People call that weakness, but those are people who have never been pushed to the limit, so they certainly haven’t been beyond. So they certainly can’t tell me how to do what I have done all my life and they have no concept of. If you haven’t lived it, you can’t tell me anything! It’s literally a training technique used ALL over the world to train warriors even beginning as young children. I don’t agree with it, no. But there are valid points to pushing humans beyond their limits, where appropriate. When we are challenged we grow, when we aren’t challenged we petrify. Torture shouldn’t be a part of any scenario, neither should sexual abuse, but you can’t tell extremists that. “What can I say I’m German” he used to say, and laughing off torture. SMH! “If you can be broken then you aren’t a warrior” he use to say. I had to learn to bend but not break
“This time I want you to turn on the radio at a particular time. It doesn’t matter where you are, get to a radio and turn it on at this particular time. Listen to the song and the message before and after. When you report Monday, tell me thoughts you had before the song came on and after the last message.” He knew me SO well, he knew the thoughts that I had, verbatim. He knew where I was when the song came on (I was in the front seat of someone’s car), he knew what I was wearing, he knew what I was thinking, and he knew how I would react when he told me everything. He was absolutely insane! That’s the level of intrusiveness I lived with for 45 years, talk about abuse of technology! There was no boundary he couldn’t destroy! “I want you to be like Pavlov’s dog” he used to say. Not only was it dehumanizing, traumatic, abusive, and objectifying, but they were hypnotic cues. Even the cues they used with me were torturous. Everything was rooted in pain, suffering, torture. But it’s my “negativity” in question! lol It’s a miracle I endured, and that I’m still capable of empathy and love. But I’m the question mark, not the abusers???????
There’s no way to get away from that! He developed classified, advanced technology to watch me, control me, dominate me, abuse me, my entire life. Of course he made money off of it! He went from a million to a billion. He felt entitled to take anything from me and commodify it. When I earned, he took it. When I produced, he took it. When I inherited, he took it. When I acquired anything, if he wanted it he took it. If he didn't’ want it, he gave it to someone else. My entire life I have lived like this. His sickness ruled my life because no one in leadership was willing to stand up to him. But people wonder why I’m angry and even interfere with my ability NOW to get help?
I would SO love for this to be a creative story or a hoax. Fake news even. If it were a psychotic break, or the symptoms of schizophrenia, I would easily accept that! Do you know how much more comforting it would be to know that this isn’t real, that it’s just my brain going off in it’s own direction for some reason? Do you have any idea what a relief that would be? The burdens, pain, baggage, weight, the negativity, the nausea, the dizziness, the headaches, the ptsd, the injuries, so much of it would simply disappear. Granted I would have other things to tackle, but not nearly as bad as the one’s that I have been dealing with. I would welcome that if it were true, but it’s not. I can’t just dismiss or move past 45 years of “enhanced torture”! Not while none of the abusers have EVER been held accountable, neither have their cronies, and they still continue to either abuse or profit from the abuse. No, there will be no moving past it until I see justice.
That can’t happen, because it did happen. Because trauma lives on in the mind, body, and soul of a person. It doesn’t just go away. Because trauma, like love, crosses all barriers. It speaks to the brain in ways nothing else can. It leaves an imprint that is almost impossible to erase. It can last for decades, sometimes lifelong. It can take control of the person’s higher reasoning capabilities, it can cause any number of disruptions and responses. One traumatic incident can alter a human permanently, even affecting their progeny, biological or otherwise. Repeated traumas turn you into someone you were never meant to be, it’s literally stealing your destiny! Trauma is just as powerful as love, so of course the military and the intelligence field found a way to weaponize both, together. lol But I should just move past it? That’s how much you devalue and underestimate me. Would you? I have a higher value on myself than to sell myself to people who commit genocide against my own. I have higher standards than accepting human trafficking as a way of life. I place a higher value on my own life knowing that no one should be able to do as they please and walk away. If I failed to cry out, the mountains would speak! Why, because such atrocities can NEVER go ignored!
He was an expert in mind control because he saw where the future was headed economically and he wanted to be a stakeholder. He wanted a seat at the bigger table, the billionaires club. “I have a million dollars. I want to have multiples of millions, then I will have more power. When I have a billion, no one can touch me.” That’s what he told me 1980 at 5 years old, he was in his 40s. “If you’re going along with me you need to know the truth” he said. He had already decided my fate, I never had a choice. “You’re going to be my cash cow”. I had no idea what he meant, but I soon learned.
He ALWAYS knew EVERYTHING he was doing and saying, the impact it would have on me, my future, my genetics, my future children, my mind, body, and soul. He intentionally, very purposefully created my PTSD in particular ways just so that he would know precisely how to manipulate it to his advantage. It wasn’t always about sexual perversion with him, though that drove him more than anything else in life. It was also about money, power, and influence. Those 4 things made up his identity. That’s who he was at his core. While I could respect the hustle for money, power, and influence, I obviously couldn’t agree with sexual deviance (particularly when your targets are children and vulnerable women) and I certainly couldn’t agree with the flagrant disregard for humanity and life in general. I also couldn’t agree with “the end justifies the means” because obviously it doesn’t in every situation. But that was it with he and his cronies, no matter what they were going to get their way. Invoking the power of racism is ALWAYS an option with them and their cronies. But they love to call others out for “race baiting”. They don’t even have new tricks!
He used to get so upset if I would say something that any kid would say, but he needed something to make me feel shame. So he would pick the most neutral statement and attack it. “You can’t be neutral, it’s Black or White, no in between. Neutral means you either don’t care or are conflicted because you have a mental health problem or an inferior brain. A superior brain knows how to make a decision. Black or White, which is it. All or nothing!” That’s what he used to scream at me. “It’s whatever I feel it is. If I see grey it’s because I choose to see more than the Black and White.” That’s what I used to respond with at 5, 6 and 7 years old. “Age is just a number” he used to say. He fantasized about having a “romance” with a child so I was only allowed to be a kid when he wanted it, any other time I had to be an adult. At 5, 6, and 7 years old. “They won’t let me push you any harder, they say it will stunt your development. I say their being weak! You can go further at a younger age. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to do anything I want just because you’re a kid.” He held some of the highest positions of authority in the world. How did he ever pass a psych eval. for a clearance? I actually asked him that once, “I usually know how to make it work for me” he said. I’ve been wondering this all my life, WHO WAS CLEARING HIM???
What a system of cronies! Literally these people get away with ANYTHING and instead of leadership taking actionable steps to protect life, the home land, and infrastructure, they continue to protect the very system that is collapsing in on itself as all 3 branches of government continue to be hamstrung. “They can’t lead” he used to say about Dems who walked themselves into a corner they cannot fight their way out of, all at the expense of Black lives! They don’t even bother to say “oops” they simply gaslight. Just because we are accused of being stupid doesn’t mean we are.
Dems did a great job under the Barack Obama admin. It was the best I had EVER seen this nation function, ever. But we all knew when we voted him in that we would be punished for it. You see, people think the turning point was the murder of George Floyd. But the turning point was the murder of Martin Luther King Jr. as well as Malcolm X. The Black community was permanently altered from that point on. Each attack from that point on was simply another attack. We understand they were meant to break us, but the continued attacks actually strengthen us! “No weapon formed against me”. The Black community may not always agree on how to move forward, in fact on most things we don’t agree. But what is always constant is that we will survive, by any means. We don’t choose to sack our own government for it, we chose the intellectual approach. That is why Black Excellence (xenophobic as it is) still remains a core belief within the Black community. We survive because we have to. We are strong because we have to be. We adapt because we have to. We analyze everything because we have to. We heal in the field because we have to.
Though most Black Americans cannot relate to my experiences every Black American can relate to what I’m feeling. We all feel it, even those that lie and say they don’t. We are literally at the crux of a denied holocaust that has gone on hundreds of years, outnumbered, out gunned, out maneuvered. But one thing my handler taught me when he was torturing me was how to come out of a kettle situation with the enemy on the ground and no mortal wounds. I was raised on it. We all have that kind of fighting spirit deep down inside of us, it’s how we have survived a holocaust for HUNDREDS of years. He wanted that part of me, to see it, to know it, to mold it, to control it, to kill it if I ever left him. He wanted total control! He received tax dollars for trying to do it.
He helped shape the field of epigenetics. He had oversight over ALL technology, so he knew what was developing as it developed in the classified field. He knew what mainstream science still hasn’t figured out yet, DECADES later. He knew how to control my body in ways that people think is still fantasy. He was doing things scientifically that experts don’t even know is possible, no wonder he felt like a God! “I wat to die with my mistress. God’s go out with their mistresses. You’re coming with me” he told me my whole life. “But I want a chance to live” I used to say. He would go so offended, so angry. He punished me for even thinking about having a life separate from him, in any way. That means even thinking something that he didn’t agree with. If it was a new thought, he would have to research it to see if it was okay for me to have! lol. He was insane! How did he pass anything, how was he able to have a drivers license? If a kid at 4 and 5 can see it, why can’t you as an adult?
“Hey Joe” from Jimi Hendrix was one of his favorites. He used to play it when he got jealous about something. Often it was a paranoid delusion, something he thought he sensed or saw, or something that may happen in the future. He loved data! Predicting outcomes, manipulating outcomes, controlling narratives, he used data to do all of it. He was wrong ALL the time! It didn’t matter, it’s all just “collateral damage”. I watched him test populations all over the world. It wasn’t just me he was torturing, I watched him torture entire populations. I grew up watching he destroy the planet and had no way out.
What woke me out of bed tonight wasn’t any of that, it was all the “good people” who blamed me for “staying” every time I told them I was trapped and had no way out. “There are programs that can help you” people always used to say. “Okay, if you find one, I will use it!” They always came back and said “yeah, uh, I asked around and they all say your screwed” lol! But how is this my fault though? That’s how human trafficking, sexual, and domestic violence victims are viewed. Like we are cursed, ignorant, or deviant, that we are in those circumstances because we deserve to be. “You can’t help people that don’t want to change, just try to help the kids”, that’s what they say. They proceed in helping the kids by telling them how dysfunctional their lives are and how if they could just figure out how to be more “normal” like them then they might have a chance to make it. But they wonder why kids get rebellious in middle school, because you are torturing them an gaslighting them about it! They are smarter than you know.
Those are his techniques. I remember when he was creating them, implementing them. I remember the people he chose to implement every aspect of all of it, how easy it was to get people to help him create a holocaust. How even the “good people” always turned against the most vulnerable when something of theirs was threatened. We live with threats at every level all day every day, “but they aren’t used to it” he used to say. “They are more at risk because they aren’t used to abuse. They need to be protected” that was the excuse he gave as to why it’s okay to attack Black populations and not others. If you never grew up with a nazi controlling your life, you don’t know true sadism. They have no boundaries, no ability to reason, and no empathy whatsoever .They worship being that way! That is their definition of superior. They don’t have a full range of emptions so they loathe them! They aren’t sane let alone capable of being “good”.
He blamed me for everything. I had to be punished in advance in case I thought I may try something he may not approve of, potentially, maybe at some point in the possible future. SMH! Someone with that level of insanity had to be showing signs in other areas of life, why did everyone cover for him? Why did people keep giving him more money, more power, more freedom? Why would anyone turn a blind eye to someone who was capable of doing what he has done to the world. He was just getting started with me. I’m different because I was the 1st, not because I am the only. “We’ll have many 1sts” he used to say. When I asked how many victims there would be he would say “as many as the grains of sand in an hour glass” or “as many as the grains of sand on a beach”. It depended how far into the future he was projecting!!! Control was his drug, a new 1st! If I could figure out how to provide him with knew thrilling experiences, he would reward me with extras like food, a home, friends. He controlled everything and refused to be told no, particularly about me. Whenever he had to make an adjustment because of someone else’s demands, he punished me for it. I’ve literally lived these tantrums my entire life. Not just from him, but ALL his cronies!
I’m just one person. My family is just one family. My entire family has horror stories about him even if they don’t know he was responsible for the trauma. He was good about throwing stones and hiding hands. He was a true sadist, so hurting people gave him great pleasure. But I’m the one “unstable” compared to his “stability”? LOL! You can see why nothing anyone says means a damn thing to me? The whole world believed everything he said until he finally got caught lying about ANOTHER situation that lead to mass death! There had been others, those were ignored too. In America, you can get away with anything if you are a White man with money. If you are an attractive White man with money, people literally think you’re a God! No one cares how sick you are! People will pay you to allow them to be in your presence. He wasn't’ from money, so when he saw things like that, he abhorred it so that gave him an excuse to abuse even further. He abused EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! Why anyone would believe him is something I have wondered since literally the age of 4, maybe even 3, smh. But race doesn’t matter? He was a White man who took a Black man’s daughter just to molest her. My father was the one punished for it, not him. My mother was the one punished for it, not him. He abused my entire family, we all suffered for it. Not him. He was buried with honors where my father should be! Literally.
It’s incredible how far America goes to protect the lie of white supremacy while simultaneously denying racism and privilege are real. Both allowed a random person who was just a business man use human trafficking of children to become one of the most powerful men but also one of the most prolific killers and sexual deviants. No one wants to hear about his murders or rapes, they stop short of money and power and that’s all that matters. THIS is the America he and his cronies built, and we’re supposed to accept it? I’m supposed to accept it? I’m supposed to accept this as my “lot in life” because extremists don’t want to stop their predation? Which one of us is crazy?
He raped me every time he was in my presence! Every time! If he couldn’t do it physically for some reason, he did it psychologically or he had other people do it! There was never a time where he did not assault me. But that’s okay because the “end justifies the means” he use to say, they both used to say. To them, not to their targets! It’s ALWAYS been about race! They didn’t even deny it, they just wanted me to be a bootlicker and agree. “Your community is the best target. It’s not personal, it’s just business” they used to say. I would stand there staring at them at the age of 5 wondering how they are the least offensive of humanity! LOL, In 46 years of continued “enhanced torture” I have NEVER decided that their agenda was what I wanted to follow. NEVER! I can’t, it’s literally the opposite of everything I live for. It never will agree with them, ever.
When ALL are ALL then America will be whole. Until then, America remains fragmented and compartmentalized like all of it’s war mechanisms, isms, and schisms. But no one will read a word of this as I remain more heavily censored than the worst terrorist organizations, you know, because they “matter”. lol, smh, but we don’t have a right to be angry because race doesn’t matter and systemic oppression is a myth.
