No Change
His favorite tactic with me was extreme torture, every time. He spent decades torturing me, in order for it to continue to work he had to increase the pain constantly. I grew up this way, and he made sure it wasn’t just him but EVERYONE around me at all times. He starved me, pushed my body beyond its limits constantly, used technology, drugs, weapons, society, his network, the legal system, the medical system, work, he stole all my money, he used psychological abuse, and he used others to hurt me. He beat me. He strangled me. He raped me, brutally. He did whatever he wanted because he felt entitled to do so and the world echoed that belief, it still does. But we’re constantly asked, “why can’t you move past slavery”? Because we're still enslaved.
He taught me when I was four and five that he chose me because of the amount of melanin in my skin and my vulnerable circumstances. He could easily manipulate and “control” every aspect of my life, my family's lives, the lives of my entire community, and large parts of the entire world. If you don’t know that kind of power, you don’t know him or anyone like him.
When I turned five he taught me, from his own mouth, that what he was going to do to me until I died was called “misogynoir” and that I would NEVER be able to overcome it because he wouldn’t let me. When I cried and asked why as any little girl would “because it’s what I want”. Also one of the last things he ever said to me in person. “All of the pain and suffering will stop if you just give me what I want” is what he would tell me my entire life. Then he proceeded to tell everyone I did it all to myself, and people are ignorant enough to believe it.
Cognitive dissonance is a powerful drug!
He taught me that I would be enslaved forever, and then he moved heaven and earth to ensure that it happened. He was empowered to do everything he did and more, no one cared then and the only people who care now are those who want to also exploit for some reason.
All of the people he trafficked me to were and are still the same. They even raise their kids that way! But I’m supposed to accept that I am the problem for speaking out against it? So warped.
Through it all I kept my integrity, getting abused for it the whole time, and I never became like them. But I’m the one who is questionable because of the circumstances I was forced into? Who would want to fight for a world like that? It’s sick! I would rather embrace the new.
I survived it all, alone. I can see through all the trauma, abuse, psychological torture, apathy, lies, and slander. I saw it as a child, I saw even when I couldn’t remember anything about myself, other than the trauma. I see it now. I see how he used every resource this planet has to manipulate, ensnare, and enslave. But I’m supposed to pretend it’s “fake” like all the so-called “good women” do when they turn their heads and benefit from their husbands abusing people. I’m also supposed to accept being scapegoated for the consequences and everything is my own fault if I don’t. I will forever be looked at as unstable for telling the truth? Not the abusers, their supporters, and apologists, but their target?
The world does whatever it wants with impunity anyway, why should I stop telling the truth to please abusers and help them escape accountability? Of course, I care about all the threats but that was happening decades before I said a word. No one cared.
Maybe people should question themselves more and project less, perhaps humanity wouldn’t be so confounding.
9/16/2021 and I’m still not considered human, no change whatsoever.
The White House United Nations I’m still looking for equality like I’m Dori looking for Nemo.
