“No One Will Ever Love You”
“And if they do they are a fool!” That’s how he raised me.
I had two handlers. One gave me permission to marry and get TF away from the other. The other was furious about it and told me “If you marry it will be who I tell you to marry. That is my right!” He always treated me like property, never a human. “He said that if someone purposes to me I have the right to accept the proposal”. I tried any and everything to get away from him. “THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU! NO ONE WILL EVER MARRY YOU!” He was angriest in these moments. “I already have a proposal”. He was shocked. “I’LL PUT AN END TO THAT AND THEIR STUPID FOR LOVING YOU! YOU’RE JUST A PROSTITUE!” I wasn’t even in high school yet.
I was never a prostitute, I was his trafficking victim. He took control over my life before I could even go into Pre-K and he trafficked me to his friends, wealthy politicians, and business men. He didn’t see any responsibility in what happened to me at all. “You wouldn’t have let it happen if you weren’t a bad person, good girls don’t behave like you do!” But he tortured me, beat me, strangled me, locked me in caskets, shocked me, drugged me, gave me a stroke from abuse, used mind control and hypnosis, used chemicals, abused my health, withheld medical care, starved me, threatened everyone I loved, implanted technology in my body, controlled my growth and developments locked me up in prisons, basements, underground bunkers, abandoned me alone in the woods in foreign countries and forced me to find a way out on my own, are dropped me in strange places, raped me in flight, raped me while parachuting, raped me in submersibles, took me to the dessert to be raped by him and his cronies, it just goes on and on. That is the definition of force, threat, and coercion. He is one of the people who wrote the definition for Human Trafficking and helped determined which laws could apply to it’s statutes federally. He knew what he was doing, he was using psychological torture to control me. All when I was just a tiny kid up until his death. “It’s training” he would say.
How was any of that my fault? None of that makes me bad, but it clearly makes him inhuman! The fact that I survived it for almost 5 decades without intervention is a testament to my strength, courage, and intellect. Even he admitted it at times, when he wasn’t trying to crush my soul and destroy my dreams.
The truth is, other victims were allowed to live their lives as they pleased. Hid power and control over me was so obsessive because he was addicted to abusing me and he didn't’ want to let that control go. I have suffered every day of my life for it. UN Human Rights
He never intended to allow me to have my own life because it would interfere with his control. People loved me, he put an end to it every time. I wasn’t allowed to have fun, normal experiences, normal relationships, to be around people my age outside of school. If I did it was a huge controversy and he always punished me for it. I get so tired of people defending these men, as if they are some kind of brilliant leaders who just need a little love. THE ARE VISCIOUS PREDATORS WHO PREY ON ALL BUT ENSLAVE AND TORTURE THE MOST VULNERABLE. None of them are good people!
He threatened, lied, blackmailed, assaulted, abused, manipulated, stalked, threatened children, threatened my pet, molested my friends, raped family members, threatened to kill babies, whatever he had to do to get his way. In the end, he always did because no one would ever try to stop him. People always walked away blaming me. “Why do you let him do this to you?” But I never did. It’s been 46 years and nothing has changed even though both handlers are dead. I am still blamed for everything, I still don’t get the help I need to survive all that he did to me, still no one listens or believes unless I am benefiting them somehow. Then they take the information and go back to ignoring me.
We weren’t even the same race! He was a wealthy white man trafficking me to wealthy white men. He RARELY ever allowed me to be around Black people. I don’t fit in anywhere, I was never allowed to. The idea that any of this was my fault or that I brought it on myself because of “karma” or “negativity” or being “cursed” is literally as archaic and superstitious as calling someone a witch for having intuition. But that’s the world we live in, I’ve dealt with it all my life. Racist, fascist, misogynistic, and abusive in every way, but no one cares. Yet I’m to blame?
I am still getting hacked, my posts are still being altered, even my art is STILL being censored. But I’m blamed for all of that as well.
