On The Matter Of Fear

Marginalized populations are VERY OFTEN accused of being fearful and self-sabotaging. These stereotypes are usually the reasons given for excusing our dehumanization and marginalization. The truth is, people are fearful of their own fallibility and end up projecting those fears onto vulnerable targets because it makes them feel as if they are regaining some power they have lost.

This is so irrational because every life has vulnerabilities, to be fearful of them is natural it’s what you do with those fears that determine what kind of person we are. The men who abused me were fearful that I would one day give birth to someone who could possibly change things. Change! One of their greatest fears. My two handlers were willing to experience some changes, but only if it benefited the patriarchy, and minimal as well as slow changes if it benefited others. They were so terrified that God forbid I actually change something myself somehow. I was just a baby, so those fears were totally irrational yet they drove so much of what became public policy over the next several decades. But I’m supposed to pretend like it didn't happen to protect the delicate and irrational delusions of the same privileged people who abused and exploited me? If you believe that you should be questioning your own sanity.

These men use anyone and everything to get what they want and it always works for them. But privilege is still called a myth in America. These people imagine fears, literally summon them with great efforts. They still do this, it’s not a thing of the past. They simply utilize technology to aid them in projecting and amplifying fear, it’s literally what “predictive technology” was weaponized for. These fears feed their egos and many with the same beliefs join them so that they don’t have to feel alone with their irrational thinking and behaviors. They encourage others to produce the same fear and work from that same toxic standpoint. Many take action based on these irrational fear, the extreme conditions in the world is the result. These men constantly incite delusion and irrational fear, so much so that they mastered the craft and deployed it globally as a means of toppling governments, organizations, and corporations. America is falling by it’s own handiwork but we’re supposed to pretend like we don’t see it. If we do, then we are punished. UN Human Rights

This is how the system of oppression works. It starts with an idea, fear. The fear is amplified by hate, pain, anger, anxiety, uncertainty. Those mixed bag of toxic level emotions are easily triggered in psychopaths, deviants, and those who are under educated or experiencing impairments. Master manipulators know this, they exploit these weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It’s the government's responsivity to ensure that it’s people are protected from such predation, instead, with extremism in power America's government is the predator.

“We will use anything. Race, religion, stereotypes, cultural beliefs, phobias, medical concerns, family members, friends, career, money, anything to weaken you. We will continue to attack you until we have total control, exactly where we want you. We are relentless, we never wave a white flag, and don’t have to go down with the ship because the ship never goes down. We are an institution, we are many. If one of us should fall two will rise in our place. We are cogs in a wheel. We are going to change this and become the people who program the cogs.” This is what my handlers taught me at five years old.

They were on their own journey, all moving in the same direction but with unique pathways. They made sure they paved the way for the patriarchy to win everything, at all cost. They saw me as a threat to that agenda and sought to not only control me, and enslave me for life. I was just a baby, why should they project their fears on to me? Onto us? My entire community? They even sought to figure out how to enslave me for eternity if they could figure out how. “I would rather not have to repeat this again in another life time, I am going to figure out how to avoid that.” As if I am the problem rather than the target of their anger, aggression, and dysfunction. “We never got over having to let you all go. We had free access to you for so long, when that changed it changed us” my handlers told me. They were referring to their sentimental feelings toward the Colonial salve holders and how they missed being able to openly assaults as at will with no consequences. All understood this, but it was very few who knew the details of the mechanisms that made this hell our reality. People simply see what they want to see, or they believe the propaganda. But our humanity is always lost, along with the truth of our experiences. Only society can help change that, if we matter. UN Women Progressive Caucus

I was critical to them because I could see beyond what the average eye could see, but I also had to be able to give language to what I saw. They never failed because they saw everything coming, sounds familiar doesn’t it? The same was said about Hilter in WW2, after all it was his scientists that ran the program that I was in so obviously the same strategies were adopted. The world is in the sunken place now because of it. “Savants are always born with a gift, but also an impairment. To mainstream society this impairment is considered a disability, to us we recognize that impairment as a sacrifice in order to enhance the other ability. It’s either a glass half full, or glass half empty scenario. Your perception and therefore the lived experience resulting from what you project, changes based on the decision as to which belief system you will embrace.” This they taught me at five. They wanted me to never forget that my sacrifice (being abused) was ordained by someone, somewhere, somehow, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. The point was to enshroud me in constant layers of systemic abuse and trauma. What they learned became the system of power and control they deployed through out the 90s, and all of the new millennium with the advance of digital technologies and mass propaganda. I watched them create the agenda, then deploy it systematically. But America says it’s not real and that I’m as much a myth as they claim systemic oppression is. SMH

The biggest issue with marginalization is that a more powerful entity is consciously choosing to abuse it’s power to intentionally overpower a target that has less ability to protect itself somehow. Both entities understand this imbalance of power dynamic that is established and once solidified, it’s almost impossible to break. It creates energetic loops of entanglements that after so long, become what people literally believe life is supposed to be. After so long stuck in such an energetic loop of power imbalances, even your genes begin to adjust themselves in order to adapt. These would be considered negative mutations most often. But sometimes, the mutations are positive. For instance, when people lose their sight they often develop an over pronounced ability in one of the other senses, like hearing. This ability could potentially then be passed through genes.

When people lose their sense of smell (which I have) then other senses adapt, like seeing. Over the past several years I have been attacked so many times, physically and otherwise, that I have had to not only adapt but literally morph into a stronger version of myself. We all have it in us, but extreme transformation requires extreme stimulus. THIS is how I was raised. Constantly being triggered, tortured, raped, beaten, assaulted, forced to fight, forced into combat, forced to fight my way out of situations, forced. My whole life, particularly brutal during developmental years. All because my handlers decided this was what I was going to do with my life. I literally could have been anything. They simply wouldn’t allow it. It was their own fears, and desires that determined my life. When I fought back, they simply applied more pressure. The more any of us fight, the more pressure they apply. All for the sake of protecting the idea ow white supremacy, and the world watches and does nothing. Who really is the human?

Their own fears, caused them to make decisions that lead to very destructive changes in the world, we all live it. My handlers were the men in the group who actually were able to transcend beyond their limited thinking. They were still deviants, but less so. This implied that shifting the consciousness of the sickest individual can actually lead to healing, yet much of government claims that being having an awakened consciousness is a threat.

Discovering that psychopaths can actually make changes was invaluable information, literally a holy grail. “You have the perfect brain for this work. You just need tougher skin. We’re going to make sure you have it. You won’t survive otherwise, not around us. If we’re involved, you have to meet our standards and our standards are impossible to meet.” From the very beginning they programmed me to think, believe, and act in ways that benefited whatever choice they made in the moment. Period. It is total mind control, and I broke free. Most never do, but I was born differently abled. “We can use that” they told me. They planned every detail, down to the last millisecond. These were not men to take their own lives, the lives of their families, or the stability of the nation lightly. Working to build their empire was like breathing to them, the last thing they wanted was to fail. This current incarnation of society is merely an engineered transition full of “collateral damage”. They taught me this would happen at five years old. Living it as it unfolds demonstrates exactly how extreme these men were in their thinking and methods yet very few ever noticed, and those who did chose not to care.

Both men died with great honors, never being held accountable for what they did to me, or anyone else. But they are still viewed as “superior” because of the amount of money they amassed, illegally and through creating a massive holocaust that he world doesn’t yet understand it is in the grips of. UN Human Rights If these men weren’t White men they would have died in one of the bases they created for torture long ago.

These men wanted to control my life down to the finest detail. “Forty years is an acceptable amount of time to live!” My abuser told me as he explained I would become fully disabled and die in my forties. “The abuse takes it’s toll in middle age” he explained even with a sly smile. I’m not sure if he was ever aware of how excited he came across when he was being sadistic. He did sometimes apologize and say “sorry, I just get so excited” just before he would put safety protocols into place. I had to advocate for them, I had to go around him to accomplish this. I was seven years old, he was middle aged. He hated it but when he received orders he had to obey. He was willing to push me further than my other handler, that one small thing is what helped me survive it all. I was expected to embrace this life or die, no other options. When I chose death, they threatened to kill loved ones instead. When I said go ahead, they threatened innocent babies. When they told me I had to develop tougher skin, this is what they meant. “More pain, more glory” is what they used to say. I couldn’t even get out of kindergarten first but I’m supposed to accept this as my plight in life. I watched them go around the world and set up programs to do precisely the same thing, to other children. There are so many of us, I am only one person telling one part of the story.

They controlled every aspect of my development, ensuring that there would be no part of me left unknown. They conditioned me to be observed constantly, even by strangers, even in the most precarious moments. I have never had a moment alone. Some of it is for safety, some for security, but some of it was simply because of perversion. I wasn’t even out of kindergarten yet. When mandates that affect people’s children happen, their should be safety, oversight, transparency, accountability. Safety should always be the first concern otherwise, you simply create breeding grounds for more deviance such as these programs. It went on all day every day, in plain sight. Tax dollars literally paid to protect the most hideous crimes the world has seen in modern times and everyone is covering it up because it never ended. Progressive Caucus

I am just one of many, that is why America is suffering under the weight of an insurgency. United Nations If we are going to make telling the truth a thing again, we need to begin at home. America created it’s own problem, refuses to accept responsibility, and continues to deflect onto the most vulnerable populations who are suffering and dying in a denied holocaust. Everyone should be uncomfortable with that fact, but the truth is, most are stuck in some phase of flight, fright, freeze, or fawn. Even those that think they are conscious, usually are not, but actually still stuck in delusions that keep human minds attached to cognitive dissonance. The brainwashing here is so profound that I wonder how it will be undone, healed, if ever. Will it take generations? I fear the pandemic of brainwashing will be far worst than COVID has been, and that means this is the end. All because leadership is afraid. I’m afraid as well, but I’m fighting anyway. The future depends on it. Our children matter.

I was never allowed even to hesitate in fear. My handlers demanded absolute power, control, and authority, no boundaries on my part ever, at all times. Never ever back down, and always eliminate the threat. Don’t stop until the job is done. Why hasn’t the U.S. deployed it’s own strategies at home, to fight the enemy within? They have had no problems doing it to Black people for hundreds of years just for existing.

My handlers controlled my thinking, when they couldn’t they became more sadistic. When they were afraid, they became more sadistic. When they were excited, they became more sadistic. When they were angry, they became more sadistic.

The thing about Psychopaths is that some do actually have emotions, but often the ones they have are the most primitive. Even they know this about themselves. They are extremely sensitive with the ones they do have, actually, overly so. The most mundane thing triggers the most extreme reactions in them yet these are the behaviors they accuse their targets of displaying when the truth is exposed. They usually win the battle, which inevitably occurs because they don’t know how to resolve conflict. People think that “winners” are simply aggressive and that’s why they win. But with some, they are willing to harm anyone and anything to win and get what they want, this is deviance. They don’t believe you can win and be fair, equal, or empathetic. To them that is weakness. They don’t know how to process nuanced thinking and emotions, not effectively. They are bound to the black and white rigidity of their all or nothing thinking. For an empath to be trapped under this is suffocating beyond measure, this they knew. They taught me this would eventually kill me, they wanted my death timed with theirs. They died within 3 years of each other. I just refused to comply. But no one every questioned their mental stability, only mine. That is precisely how they engineered society to respond, and I’m supposed to accept this, quietly? The White House

Both my handlers had a profound fear of the unknown like all other xenophobes. They tried to overcome it by facing their fears. Abusing me was a part of their facing not only individual but collective fears. When they try to fix a problem, even their solution are extremely deviant, because that is who they are. Toxic to the core they destroy everything they touch. Even when they don’t want to they can’t stop themselves. First they taught me this from their own mouths, then they showed me. “We take everything too far, we always do” they used to tell me when I cried about having suffer for their sickness. “We need you to fix what we break”. They poison everything they touch because they are dysfunctional yet they have the world convinced they are the “stable geniuses” and that's why the planet is tanking.

It’s ironic that my abusers knew themselves so well, they understood what they were but they had no way to control it. At least, that’s what they said they believed. I never saw them try, I only ever heard them say they couldn’t so embracing their deviance was the best way for everyone because they are so important to the world. People bought it, still do.

They wanted their own world, their agenda. They wanted nothing to stop them. I was an unknown, they feared me profoundly. Even at the age of four and five, they were terrified because they couldn’t understand me. They ordered me to teach them about myself, so that they wouldn’t be confused. They believed the more they knew, the less they would fear. Instead, the more the learned the more afraid and obsessed they became. It made them feel powerful to abuse, so they did. There was never an incentive to stop, there were never any consequences.

Had they ever been held accountable, that would have chanted things for everyone, forever. But they never had to face accountability, for anything, ever. Even when they were questioned, they simply controlled the narrative in every way. I grew up watching them do this daily, they made sure I understood exactly how trapped I would always be under their system of tyranny.

If ever they did feel any sting of accountability, that’s when they were at their sickest. My worst injuries and most disabling conditions come from those times. It always happened in a secured facility or at an extremely remote location, they only felt safe in environments where they had total control. But it always happened. I always knew what kind of abuse I would face and who would be involved just based on the time and location of the meetings. I was still in elementary school, from four years old on I lived like this. Why is this acceptable? UN Women

I shouldn’t have to worry about how I will obtain healthcare, it should be provided for me for the rest of my life, no questions asked. No mandates, no minimums, no abuse, neglect, or complaints or mounds of paperwork that reject my application because the case manager wants to feel powerful. Just healthcare, the kind you gave to the men who abused me because oversight committees determined that their lives mattered, and mine did not. Then they proceeded to awarded VAST AMOUNTS OF DEFENSE FUNDING to these men so they could carry out their “experiments” torturing me and countless others. Look what became of the world as a result, was it worth it?

Instead of getting healthcare I get attacked. He and his family are the ones who received such perks paid for with tax dollars and my hard earned money which he stole. But in America, privilege is still called fake and trapped in fear is a label lodged at “snowflakes” rather than against those who earn the title. The truly fearful are the extremists holding the planet hostage, and those too frozen to respond. UN Human Rights