Only Love
Foot Forward Poem
2009 I was pinned down
Assaulted
Tortured
Controlled
Dominated
In my own home
Kids threatened
Abandoned
Forced to obey
Forced to submit
Forced to say no
Forced to be silent
Just like 2006
But drugs were used then
I had a stroke
From all the damage
Left to triage self
Sun witness
Alone
Suffering
Spent
Every time you messaged
They tortured in extremes
Who knows what they told you
I never knew you said a thing
I thought you were silent
Apathetic
Happy in your arrangements
Happy in your abundance
Happy in your circumstances
Without me
Made sense
Who would want to deal with that
Thought my messages fell
On deaf ears
I reached out how I could
When I could
Didn’t know if you even remembered
Amnesia took most of it
For me
Trauma, abuse, torture, medications
Weapons
Anything to block me
Block memories
Block access
Block love
Block answers to questions
Block messages
“Nobody loves you
No one ever will”
The whispers in my ears
As they krept into my skin
Keeping wounded
But tethered
Hopeful I would find a way
If you asked
He tried to kill
Would kill
I had to protect you
A world without you
Isn’t living
Yet I would be dead
Our love became a pyre
As you imagined
But it was our love that was burned
Over and over again
Scales must be balanced
For every tear shed
I never left you
I never will
I never chose above you
I was kettled
Trafficked
He wanted no one near
Not even him
I’m free now
He’s dead
While his minions and cronies
Are left behind
Following in his footsteps
They are no match for me
Never have been
They may be jealous
But what has that to do with me
I’m chosen
To live
So I Am
Join me
Even in my weakest state
They shall not take me
I Am
I await my exit
Only love can lead the way
So Be It
