Programming
It’s not what you think
The first time I had a stroke was when I was 7 years old. My handler, “fictive father”, strapped me to a metal bed that could be sat all the way up to a standing position. Like the ones used in psychiatric facilities, restraints and all. My head was strapped to the table. I was drugged, tortured, raped, and naked. “We’re going to download some information. It’s going to give you a stroke. You need to decide what you’re willing to sacrifice, creative abilities or working with numbers” that’s what he told me. It was 1982, I should have been dancing, or singing, or writing music, or composing, or playing an instrument. Instead, I was being “programmed” to be the person he wanted me to be, “Black” is “flawed” so he, imagining himself to be God, had to improve me. After all, I was just an “abomination” any way according to he and his cronies. “No human would choose to be born Black!” That’s what he would scream at me when I argued that I wasn’t subhuman because I am Black.
Music was my first love. “Not me?” He responded when I was asked the question. There were moments when you could see his emotions, he had them, they were just stunted. He felt DEEP rejection and he couldn't’ handle such things. I understood why, he was a pedophile and I was a child that he wanted an attachment to. I understood what was wrong with him, I just couldn’t follow his thought process at that age. After meeting his mother, I never wondered again.
“I want to keep my creative abilities” I told him. “Are you sure” he asked. Whenever he asked me that I knew it was because the consequences would be SEVERE. I thought about it again, “what are the pluses and minuses” I asked. “You will struggle with math, when you are older you will have trouble navigating, get disoriented, some organization issues. People will look at you as less intelligent” he was always so blunt. “I’ll keep my creative abilities”. No one cared then, why should I care what people think now?
He played binaural beats, used highly classified frequency technology, I could feel the vibrations going through my body. He made the room dark, flashed a projector on the wall, pinned my eyes open, flashed red, yellow, and green lights, flashed red laser lights, and stuck a needle in my right eye. There were probes attached to my head that sent electric shocks through my body. As my full body twitched (I realize now this was an induced seizure) he played music, used a vibrator on my clitoris, and flashed scenes that looked like an old movie real. There were scenes of normal activities mixed with extreme trauma, comforting scenes combined with torture scenes, disturbing activities alternating with fun activities, murder, blood, rape, molestation, the worst kind of images you can imagine. I don’t know how long it lasted. The only reason I know what the images were is because of PTSD, these are the types of flashbacks that I have, particularly after or even during a seizure.
I have no idea how many times it happened, or for how many days, weeks, months, or even years. I just remember that from the age of 7 to 9 it happened often. When he wanted me to learn something quickly he would do this, then “download” information in various different ways. This is what “programming” looks like in a classified military base, in the middle of a mandated school day. No one cared. U.S. Department of State The White House Progressive Caucus Congressional Black Caucus Library of Congress TIME Nat Geo Explorers
No one ever questioned his sanity, or if he was safe to be around children, just me! No one cared then, no one cares now. But I’m supposed to accept all of that, AND EVERYTHING ELSE I have been put through just to protect the abusers, the racist and fascist insurgency they deployed, and the fake notion of white supremacy??? You can believe that and be considered a “good person” even a “stable” person yet I am “bad” and “unstable” for blowing the whistle??? UN Human Rights United Nations UNICEF Amnesty International
But I’m not entitled to having my contract honored, my own money paid to me, my own credentials returned to me, safety, housing, medical care, COVID relief, Social Security, SSI, or even SNAP benefits??? Why is that exactly???
