Self Confrontation
Poem
All I hear are screams
That’s why he does it
But no one knows
Why it cuts so deep
I can’t forget it
I know he has NEVER
Abused anyone
The way he has me
I’m not confused
About why he wipes memories
Resorts to mind control
Resorts to court proceedings
Papers
Money
Resources
Power
Dominance
Everything he feels he was promised
From me
Of me
Every piece of me
Like a slab of meat
Exactly how he consumed me
Until nothing is left but pain
Weird
Like I’m not even a person
What am I then
When you’re unprotected
It’s easy
He was groomed to be my tormentor
During developmental years
Slaver
Took an oath to keep me chained
He’s no different than my fictive
I can’t unfeel that
I just have to heal again
But it’s not easy
He doesn’t care
My kids lose more of me
With every attack
Even my grands
All he cares about
Is keeping up fake appearances
But he’s the victim?
He gets off on this
Has since the first strangulation
He’s the reason
For some of my petechia
Is she hurting yet
Did the torture break her
Did that death wipe her out
She’s still breathing?
I’m not giving her a penny
I don’t care how much I owe
She doesn’t deserve it
She’s weak
She needs to go
How could she abandon me
I used to the extremes
I’m just not used to
Tasting freedom then
Getting beaten back into a cage
Yes I’ve escaped
But when there’s always someone lurking
Stalking
Targeting
Attacking
The pain becomes unbearable
I’ve lived with it forever
It’s unreal
I can’t undue the damage
I just have to keep healing
He laughs about it
How many men does it take
To create a slave
How many slavers does it take
To be an oppressor
But wonder why I’m repulsed
I like people who hate oppression
Not those who swim in it’s evil
There is no thin line
It’s hard and fast
I like people who loathe treason
I don’t blame anyone for being brainwashed
I blame you for rejecting healing
A symptom no doubt
But present nonetheless
I can’t unsee that
No truth, no amends, no balanced scales
But plenty of disrespect
Plenty of stealing
Plenty of slander
Plenty of threats
Code broken
Promises left dangling
This isn’t miles deep in
This is a lifetime
I couldn’t look at myself
If I fumbled it
If this incarnation is all that is considered
I can’t unlearn it
All I can do is keeping moving
Because when in hell
THAT is the way out of it
What is abuse other than just that
Hell
Onward
So Be It
