What About My Reality
Whole Picture Poetry
People always talk to me
About the successes of others
Who overcame obstacles
To become what they wanted to be
Comparing my life
To that of another
As if I need to be told
How to have self esteem
The truth is
Someone who has some
Wouldn’t be judging mine
They would simply be open
Asking if there was any way they could help
Get you out of pain
I’m capable of that
In my worst states
But you can’t
Even in all your superiority
Almost everyone I encounter
Constantly judges me
And they always find me lacking
Which gives them the permission they need
To turn their heads in shame
Placing all blame and responsibility
On me
Even when it’s their job
To provide help
Aid
Support
Something!
It rarely ever happens
Not for me
I’ve been in this fight on my own
For decades
In America
Even the world
A Black woman’s life
Is worth nothing
Unless there is a man to say
She matters
But even then
It’s still a question
But I Am
All on my own
Without anyone else’s validation
I don’t need anyone to say
Okay
She can be human
I was born with that designation
Yet
Look how many fail to see
But it’s my mental health constantly in question
Not that of the person projecting
Or the person blindly abusing
Why compare me to antother
I Am me
No one has experiences what I have
I am unique
In 46 years I have never met another like me
So comparing does nothing
Except reveal
That you yourself are lacking
Imagining that my problem is me
Not the wealthy, powerful men
Trafficking me
Accusing
As if my life can compare
To another persons struggles
“Trauma is trauma”
People say
A paper cut and knife wound
Are not one and the same
A gun shot and an explosion
Do not compare in the same ways
Financial struggles and genocide
Don't’ measure out the same
It’s funny how you can apply this rational
When it degrades me
But not if it highlights the forms of abuse
Used against me
HYPOCRISY!!!
How many of those people
You compare to me
Have had the most powerful
Wealthy, elite men and women
Controlling every aspect of their lives
From conception
Dominating even
How they breathe and breed
Using an infinite amount of funding
Threatening, torturing, kettling
Using infinite tax dollars
The world’s most highly classified
Technology
Hoards of paramilitary mobs
The industrial military complex
And even gangs
To control, dominate, and orchestrate
Any kind of simulation
All to gain
Access
To obsess
To molest
To rape
To steak, kill, destroy
Anything and everything
Whatever they deem valuable
Is used as a tool to be
Exploited
Manipulated
Capitalized
Commodified
So that they can continue
To prey
To gain
To control all things
How many operate with this level
Of surveillance, domination, constraint
Context matters
What one experiences
May be traumatic
Horrific
Extraordinary
But it is it impossible
To overcome
Because they are up against
Advanced machines
What human
Can beat the world’s most
Advanced Ai
Constantly???
In the midst of all that torture
Trauma
Suffering
All day
Every day
24/7/365
Without let up
Or even a kind word
Or a bandage when you bleed
Not even while pregnant
Or after birthing
No
They rape me when I’m pregnant
While in labor
Even after
When I need rest and relaxation
To heal
They are assaulting
Abusing
Preying
Getting off
On my suffering
Laughing on my face
As they say
“You deserver everything”
Because to them
Black skin is so disgusting
That’s the life I have lead
All my life
As has every generation prior to me
But it’s my fault
In what way
Think before you speak
What another experiences
And overcomes
Doesn’t make me less than
It simply means
YOU
Lack awareness
And empathy
For how another’s life
Can be enslaved
And should be saved
But you judge and condemn
Because you don’t think
I deserve anything
Not even life
Well
Neither the abusers think the same
So how are you different
I Am
Not now
Nor
Have I ever been
My trauma
I AM A HUMAN BEING!
Saying such things to me
Let’s me know
That this is how you see
This is how you think
Limited
Ignorant
Jaded
Propagandized
Programmed
Unevolved thinking
I Am me
You don’t know my experiences
Let alone
How it all came to be
Let alone
Why it happens
Let alone
Why I haven’t been able to escape
It’s because people like you
Project hate
While smiling in my face
Judging me unworthy
Of access to life
Calling me a “waste”
So
WHY SHOULDN’T I
THROW THE TRUTH
IN YOUR FACE
YOU THROW LIES IN MINE
AND HARM ME EVERY DAY!
Even when I put it down
In writing
It goes WAY over your head
“She’s in pain”
Obviously!
“She’s disturbed”
Yes
Torture is disturbing
Otherwise
I would be insane
“She’s lying”
Believing that makes you feel safe
Just walk away then
Why practice more hate
“She’s manipulating”
Who and what
No one ever does anything
“She’s trying to get attention”
I’m asking for help
Why would you see it that way
“She’s after money”
Only my own
But people like you make it possible
For the thieves to escape
“She’s after power”
How so
Who will grant it then
“She’s evil”
But not the people who abuse me
“She’s an abomination”
But not those who enslave me
The truth couldn't’ be more clear
So
In your moment of insecurity
Recognizing that I am something
You cannot comprehend
You “throw it back on me”
As if you are a head
And I am mentally ill
Caught up in a delusion
That you need to prove to me
So that you aren’t left feeling
Anything
But least of all
Uncomfortable
THIS you call
Superiority
Blessings
Strength
What a joke
It takes extreme strength
To survive what I have
In spite of all the hate
Projected at me
Daily
You cringe just upon the hearing
Of a little bit of the torture
I have experienced
Yet you think you are above me
Shall we compare?
You buckle
At the sight of extreme
So that you don’t have to face
Your own limitation
Of knowing
Consciously
Yet you think
You can guide me
Teach me
Lead me
Judge me
I’m simply asking for you
To do your job
That’s why you get paid
But you can’t even bring yourself
To that place
Not with me
It offends your senses
And for that I must pay
SMH
In your disorganized mind
If what I am saying
Is true
Then that means
The world is not safe
Not for some
In truth
Not for many
In which case
Everything you were ever told
Is a lie
And this
Creates cognitive dissonance
Instead of confronting yours
With courage
You choose to
“Throw it back on me”
Denying my truth
My life
My reality
To make yourself feel superior
Saying that I’m fake
Full of conspiracies
Not so ironically
But delibrately
Those who create the
“Conspiracy theories”
Understand that it’s propaganda
They do so willingly
They take bits of truth
And hide in insanity
Knowing they are discrediting
The lives of targets
Who have had to endure
The most despicable things
In America
This called living free
Superior
Evolved
Blessings
The truth is
It’s nothing more than
Tradecraft
Deployed against every day citizens
For having the nerve
For wanting to breathe
I don’t have the luxury of delusion
I never did
I am so sober
That alcohol rarely even affects me
That is
When I was able to drink
I can’t anymore
Due to torture in the extreme
People even deny me
The reality
Of the disabilities
That obviously come
With being abused
Decade after decade
But I’m the one who is sick”
You can’t even confront your own mind
Let alone someone else!
I’m the “snowflake”
I have done what no other human has
Repeatedly
Yet I am still stigmatized as weak
The truth is I am so aware
Of my situation
That cognitive dissonance
Doesn’t affect me
It’s been that way
Since I was in kindergarten
Extreme torture and rape
At the hands of the wealthy
Powerful elite
Tends to have that affect
On a strong mind
A savant
Who can see through
Most things
Advanced Ai
Has dominated my life
Since I was conceived
That’s what my handlers have used on me
With the blessing of Congress
SCOTUS shadow dockets
And the D.O.D.
Not to mention intel
And those who run mega corps
Back then known as
Conglomerates
But it’s all the same thing
From the very beginning
This had been my life
Could YOU survive it
Could YOU grow up that way
If you did who would YOU be
I can tell you
The others I have met
Are just as sick as the men and women
Who raised me being tortured and raped
In the worst extremes
There are people who follow my writing
Just so they can see the sick things
Done to me
Some get off on it
Some are elated
Others think it’s funny
These people are viewed as
“Good people”
Regardless of how they bully
I have the courage to stand up
And call a spade a spade
But I’m the only one held accountable
For the crimes they do day to day
I move forward anyway
Before I was anything
I was a soldier
I had no choice
Weakness is not in my DNA
Everyone talks about how tragic it was
For the grown men held in prisons
Harmed by my handlers hands
But what about me
What about my reality
You mean my life doesn’t matter
Because I was born with melenated skin
What an atrocity
Not only the torture
The molestation
The rape
The enslavement
But the belief that it either didn’t happen
Or that I deserve it
Because I
“Don’t fit in”
Which one of us is delusional again?
I would NEVER rationalize away
Someone’s human rights
Or life
It’s so easy for you though
Isn’t it
Even when it involves
The most vulnerable
Even when it involves
Children
“You aren’t innocent”
Is what people
Have always said
Dehumanization is required
Before people can cross the human barrier
That allows them to behave
Like animals in human skin
I understand the process
I just don’t understand why so many
Continue choosing
The sick path
Rather than healing
Then projecting their actions
Onto me
I’m literally just asking for help
Why are you so afraid
“She’s dangerous”
They always say
What about the people abusing me
You mean you think they are safe
SMH
To make abusing me
Easier for him
He always projected
You must understand
Your behavior is no different
But do I treat you that way???
Evil is who you protect
When you fail to hold anyone accountable
Evil is what you support
When you use the same language
“It’s your own fault”
Is all most ever have to say
So
That makes gathering support
Unlikely
Now doesn’t it
But this is how
It’s always been
I am this courageous
This strong
Have this much fortitude
Because I had not other choice
If I know I have done none
Of what I am accused of
Yet continue to be charged
And convicted
Then I will change that world
That makes this possible
People look at this integrity
And see it as pathology
No matter to me
I must keep me
I stand alone
None standing for me
No one
That’s why I’m still struggling
For recognition
Just to be called HUMAN
But I’m the “abomination”???
SMH
Nat Geo Explorers Library of Congress TIME Progressive Caucus The White House UN Human Rights UN Women
