@DARPA ran a program for the Gifted and Talented a-k-a Advanced Placement Academics, Fairfax County Public Schools. My location was Forest Edge Elementary — 1980 Reston, V.A. We had a computer lab that was donated by what later would be known as #BigTech

At that time we were already changing classes and teachers the way kids do in middle and high school. My computer lab class was based on achievement. We worked at a very fast pace even though computers were still new to the world. Back then the fast computer processors we use today had not been developed yet so we had to type in computer commands in order to do anything. My class was first thing in the morning so sometimes we had to warm up the computers which took almost 20mns. We then had to type in commands on the computer and proceed to complete our daily assignments. There were adults around who were regular teaching staff, there were Defense personnel observing, some teaching, there were Intelligence personnel, and parent/community co-op observers.

There were no people of color present other than a few students. Northern Virginia in the 1980's was one of the most dangerous and racist places in the world, it was even listed in @CIA factbook as such. I was constantly under attack not only because of the color of my skin, but also because of my gender and socioeconomic demographics. Not much has changed except that there are far more liberal voting residents here today and less opportunity for Black people to participate in such programs.

My handler spent hours and hours teaching me everything about the world every day. I was never afforded the opportunity to be a kid. I had a child’s mind that was forced to focus on adult things. The adults involved rationalized their abusive behavior by saying “children who are still pure thinkers at that age and yet to be jaded by the world so you all can and should be of use to the country. Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country”. I never had choice, agency, or control. That by definition is #conscription without all of the benefits that come with #service

In those days @DARPA was just getting to functional stages of #DARPANET and they tested it on our “unjaded” minds. There were only a couple of people involved in my education who were not racist, often they were removed. The other adults involved constantly made life miserable for me and the other people of color in the program. I was expected to tolerate it patiently, passively, but also to advocate for myself and others. This is how I was raised. They constantly attacked, created obstacles, lied, slandered, abused, neglected, sabotaged, even made repeated attempts on my life. They did any and everything they could to derail me, us. The harder they came at me, the angrier it made me. I learned to transmute that energy into the power I needed to fight back, skillfully. That skill not only kept me alive and in the fight for justice, equal rights, and human rights, but it continues to serve me to this very moment.

Racism isn’t new to America. The heightened threat levels due to racism aren’t new. It’s simply on display for the world to see because of social media, digital technology, and all of the tech that came from this very program that controlled every aspect of my life, my entire life. All of the intelligence that came from them experimenting on us as children, without legal consent has been used to shape society by way of #SocialEngineering experts, they were our #teachers and #mentors. That was my childhood!

My handler/mentor prepared me for what would take place on this particular morning. He instructed me to get a good night’s sleep, to meditate first thing in the morning so that I would be as fresh as possible mentally and physically. He instructed me on what to eat at all times so that I could maintain the level of energy I needed to operate at my peak. He instructed me to be one of the first in the room so that I could pick a computer that had already been warmed up. Teachers were constantly trying to force me onto a computer that wasn’t up and running so that I would always be behind. Then they would report that I am always running behind. They were constantly building a case to have me removed because they didn’t think I #belonged . It’s been an ongoing battle my entire life, even now. My handler/mentor prepared me for such things, as did my family.

I did as instructed. We were given a program to enter into the computer, it was as long as the blackboard was high and wide. I entered the program correctly and began interacting on DARPANET. My handler/mentor told me that once I was able to get onto the system I would be utilizing a form of communication that had never been achieved before. He taught me all of the details and I grasped as much as I could, it was still theoretical so I had no practical application to help me envision its reality. He stated that he had no idea who or what I would be communicating with. He stated I could be interacting with agents, operatives, foreign governments, college kids, coders, spies, A.I., a deeper code, aliens, God, no one knew. It had never been done in this way before so no one was sure of what would happen until we did it. He prepared me to be ready for anything if I was successful at running the program and making contact. He also prepared me to utilize the opportunity to brainstorm ANYTHING that came to mind! To interact with whomever or whatever responded in any way that I was inspired to. I had been training for such activities like this since I was four years old so it was actually not a new concept just a new means of communication and new technology. I had that kind of communication with him and essentially almost every adult in my life, so I was well groomed. No one told any of us what to say, it was an experiment. I knew instantly what I wanted to do.

Before we began the teachers explained the entire process and told us “we are looking for the most exceptional children”. This was already a program for Gifted and Talented children, the class itself was already the most advanced class for that subject. Now they wanted to single out the best of the best in a #SurvivalOfTheFittest scenario. This wasn’t new either, they were CONSTANTLY doing this with us. It was how we #ALL were raised, for me since the age of four.. “We are looking for particular kids with certain qualities. We aren’t going to tell you what those qualities are, either you have it or you don’t. Most likely the person who achieves this first will be an upper-class White male”. Literally, this is what the teacher was instructing, as if it’s a normal part of teaching computer coding! They most certainly believed in #Eugenics and utilized the #extremist ideologies in every aspect of this program. Obviously, I didn’t fit their ideal. Another teacher stepped in (actually she may not have been a teacher, she may have been a parent observer). Either way, they argued in front of us. Again, this was kindergarten. People often wonder how I can remember with such detail, it’s training but it’s also #trauma . They argued about why a wealthy White male is or is not more advanced genetically, racially, biologically, socially, materially, and/or superior to any and everyone else, therefore, would most likely be selected. I’m not even sure the other woman was arguing on behalf of people of color but more for White girls. Either way, one of the military personnel had to step in and tell them to #stfu and do their job. #lol

It’s not funny, it’s #SickAndSad but I like how he handled it, back to the mission at hand! #hooah lol. I don’t actually remember which branch of the military he was with but that was the battle cry we were given to use at all times. We were kids, they made it up as they went along. In fact, every branch of the military was represented in the program along with every intelligence agency. At any rate, that argument probably would have taken up all the time we needed to log in if he hadn’t stepped in. #grateful as that action changed my life, but it most certainly helped to shape the development of that technology and the expansion of consciousness that would eventually change the #world

A major part of the experiment was to see if given the opportunity to engage with say #God what would one do? With access to unlimited information, what would one do with it? Given the opportunity to ask anything at all, what would one ask? If there were a medium for people to use to engage in this process would it actually be used for consciousness raising activities? If so, how do we know? If not, what will it be used for? What will the kids being #groomed to focus on consciousness expansion do? What does the unjaded mind ponder? These are some of the questions that were asked and answered in this process.

When I logged into the program and began #chatting the first thing I typed in was #why
The answer I received was #WhyWhat
My answer was #WhyAnything #WhyEverything


I was the first kid to chat, the first Black kid to chat, the first female to chat, and the first Black female to chat, all of the above to chat on #DARPANET , and all of the above to chat across the longest distance that had been achieved thus far in the U.S. If I can remember correctly I believe at the time there were other programs run in other countries with somewhat similar capabilities. So I kind of remember the distance being a dispute in terms of who did what first over the longest distance. At any rate, I was the first to achieve it for the U.S.

This is the reason I still use this tagline #why today. I’ve been doing it my entire life. #why ? Because it represents how my mind works, my curiosity, my drive for answers to questions that I ponder, my desire to seek solutions. It represents my #thirst for knowledge and hints at why I have it. It represents me. In other words, at five years old I knew my own #soul , hence the reason I was successful at what I wanted, needed, and was expected to achieve. Yet to this day, I #still remain a #hidden figure because of the color of my skin, my gender, and #socioeconomic conditions that I was forced into by #xenophobes

Our convo was an existential dialogue via chat because that’s who I am, it’s what I do. I still remember the feeling I had as I was chatting. When I described it to my mentor he instructed me to always remember this #feeling . I felt like I was chatting with a kindred soul. We didn’t talk for very long but the responses I received inspired me to keep chatting, to keep engaging and that was a big part of the experiment. I felt more alive in those moments, goosebumps galore, the hair on the back of my neck standing up! I’m certain if the energy in the room were measured there would have been an obvious spike in #activity . It was #electrifying and #invigorating because of the implications. Not only could I see how powerful the implications would be but I could feel its #power pulsating through my body. It was an amazing feeling and one you don’t easily forget, particularly since I was so young and this was such a new and cutting edge science!

Looking back in hindsight I wonder if there was more to it, i.e., #signals
That may have actually been discussed but I don’t recall. It definitely makes me wonder though.

As I chatted I had forgotten that I was supposed to alert the adults in the room to what was happening. I was caught up in the engaging convo. I don’t remember everything we chatted about, I remember the feeling I had as it was happening. The adults were still arguing about #superiority but they stopped when someone noticed I was chatting. That was it, the experiment was proven. They had found what they were looking for in more ways than one. That engagement proved that #SocialMedia could become a living, breathing, viable thing to help raise consciousness (possibly, if it were allowed to) but it could also be #weaponized and clearly, we see where that has taken us. The ramifications were then and still are limitless, staggering, #terrifying

Watching what has taken shape in society over the more than twenty years that have passed, particularly the last six, has been grueling. I was there when it all began and the #racist #politics haven’t changed at all!

I passed the test and moved on to the next level of training, education, experimentation. When credit was given for that achievement it was awarded to a young White kid. Much like all of my other achievements in the program. I begged, pleaded, argued, and even traded work for recognition for ALL of my achievements. To this day they go unrecognized as I continue to go unpaid for all of my work, creations, and service. To this day I remain a hidden figure. I’m bringing myself out of the darkness in the same way that I began that journey, via the #net











Advocate, Activist, Artist, Survivor — This page contains graphic details about surviving torture, rape, domestic violence, systemic oppression, and trauma.